JANUARY IN JUNE: NEW BEGINNINGS~1972

...And suddenly you know...it's time for something new and trust the God of new beginnings, new ideas, new energy, exciting and new surprises, a new start, a new focus, new intentions, and new results and growth.
Nothing sparks growth as surviving tough times. 

I had been hurt, I was tired, I felt battered, I longed for some kind of respite from all the physical and emotional exercises of the past year.
With graduation behind me, I looked forward to spending some time to re-connect with my family.
  I left Portland with all physical memories of the past and a clean break to spend two months of respite in Dallas with my family.
 The hopeful twinges of love still remained although getting randomly and farther apart and thoughts came and went but did not linger.
Our family moved into a huge, five bedroom, two bath, two story, victorian-like house next to the C &MA Church in a somewhat then small town-like atmosphere where everyone either knew or where related to us including the postman who delivered our mail.
  The only furniture in the house were the beds and dining room set with kitchen ware borrowed from the church kitchen and no telephone.  An empty picnic chest was my night stand. Later some living room furniture arrived. I continued to live out of my suitcase.

Dallas Ore. City Hall

We heard the bell in the city square toll out each hour through out the day and woke up to the minister playing hymns on the piano in the church next door.  We heard the alarm sounds of the fire department a block away.

THE BOYS-Late 1971

It proved to be a busy yet rewarding two months. 

I accompanied my 3 yr.-old brother to his SS class on Sundays, taught DVBS to four and five year olds, did babysitting, and went strawberry picking in the fields to earn a little extra money.  (The older boys 11 and 13 accompanied my father and I to pick) 

My sister joined us later after graduating from High School in Sun Valley.

MY SISTER

I also took advantage of this time to get my learners permit and learned to drive.  (A Chevy Nova that my sister had just acquired).
My parents celebrated their silver wedding anniversary and I was delegated to make a cake, my first and last attempt at one of this proportion.

Becky Baked & Decorated

25 years

 Candles for pillars, candy dots & flowers
and an open house at the church next door to celebrate. 

 MR. CRATE: STRAWBERRY PICKING CHILDREN'S STORY  CLICK HEREhttp://cultivatingjoy-cultivatingjoy.blogspot.com/2015/12/mr-crate-whimsical-childrens-story-i.html#.Vpv6QVJDaY4

AN AFFAIR OF THE HEART 1972

As the end of a chapter of my journey approached,

I was suddenly overwhelmed by the knowledge that God really cared for and loved me.
With some trepidation I was anticipating the senior retreat.
I was excited by finally graduating, while also,  making plans for the future.

May 25th, I noted that I had written a poem about the most beautiful love affair one could possible have.  It was the product of a challenge and culmination by one of my professors of some of the things she had presented in a lecture.  Another professors influence who wisely told me to "lap up the Lords love" and to concentrate on his love as we did a brief study of the Song of Solomon.

A LOVE AFFAIR

God and I have acknowledged our love and plight.
He has known me and loved me with all His might.
God in His splendor makes all others common and stale.
Nothing the world can ever give will forfeit this joy I sail.
God's love for me is like perfume poured out
More than this its great to know in thinking me,
To be His chosen, darling, lily of the valley,
Amongst the thorns, He has gently plucked me out.
God's love for me has touched my own world.
For, lo, the winter is past and the storm not as bold.
The flowers are appearing and the vine's in blossom.
As for concert time, the singing of the birds has come.
God's love for me is as a suitor bound to win,
For certainly He must have found some charm in me.
Out of the shadows, long prompted by longing and fears,
My heart leaped for joy, beholding an extraordinary lover.
As I yielded to Him my most sacred treasures and heart,
The blissful assurance I sought in the common had
At once turned into the most beautiful love
affair anyone could have!  ~composed by Becky
OTHER LINKS TO PREVIOUS POSTS OF THIS CONTINUING JOURNEY

DARKEST DAYS OF MY LIFE : #1 AFTER A 10 mo. engagement         

FORGING MY WAY THROUGH : #2

GALAVANTING THOUGHTS : #3

LETTER TO MY TWENTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD SELF #4

HE MAKETH NO MISTAKES #5

JUST HANGING ON BY A THREAD #6

WHY? ANOTHER PEP TALK #7

SIGNS OF SPRING #8

WHAT IS THAT SMELL? REFLECTIONS #9

DEALING WITH LIFES STRUGGLES  #10

MARCH MADNESS IN APRIL  #11

BRIGHT SPOTS & PURVASIVE SHADOWS  #12

ENDINGS  are just part of the start of new BEGINNINGS.  As hard and wrenching as life events can be, nothing sparks growth as going through tough times.

 

BRIGHT SPOTS & PERVASIVE SHADOWS 1972

MAY,the most widely accepted explanation is that it was named for Maia, the Roman goddess of spring and growth. Her name related to a Latin word that means increase or growth.  And the month of HIS birthday.

Upon going through the events of May 40 years ago, I was disappointed in that my feelings and emotions continued to be so erratic.

I was so hoping to see that much was behind me.  The bright spots were overshadowed by pervasive dark feelings and jealousy as I saw many classmates pairing off for the upcoming Junior/Senior Banquet, the highlight of the year and engagement announcements. 
 Oh, I was not alone.  I had plenty of company.
I was going?  It was one function I was not going to miss even if I had to go alone.

At the banquet-1972

  It was my very first fancy gala event ever and I was determined to make the most out of every moment of it.
It made such an impression on me that I recounted with detail and  sketches. 

The banquet was held at Mt. Scott with a Scottish theme.  The Macleary bag pipe and drum band played while a girl danced over swords.  The atmosphere was festive as I sat at a table with mostly single faculty and staff members.
The highlight of the evening was our speaker, Dr. Haddon Robinson, a professor at Dallas Theological Seminary.
The message was centered on giving thanks to God for everything (for behind everything there is a someone)  Giving thanks to God is an essential for living a victorious life.
The highlight of the evening was a nightcap of Constant Comment Tea and bee-hive honey cakes with the ladies I sat with back at the house.  It was a unique evening.
After such a momentous occasion.  Tues.May 9,1972 entry begins with this ditty:  "God is good, God is great!
            Now I thank him for this mood."
It turned out to be one of those dark days.  The struggle was great.  Bitterness and jealousy were beckoning.  Anxiousness and worry began to settle over the anticipation of upcoming finals year end details and the senior retreat.
I attempted to delve into God's Word but could not focus.  I began to seek things to be thankful for.  I listened to hymns and choruses which snapped me out of that foul melancholy mood.  I went out for walks when the weather permitted.
The next few days were stormy as I struggled.  
Then followed sunny days as Portland's clouds slipped away to unveil the beauty of spring and I was privileged to experience some respite only some of the wealthier enjoy.  I enjoyed a visit with dinner to Arthur's house.  Arthur was the young,handsome nephew of the lady where I lived.  He lived on the Vancouver side on a hill overlooking the Columbia River and on the Portland side the airport.
We enjoyed watching the boats go by and the planes coming in.

1 Peter 5:7"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

1 Peter 4:19  ^"So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."

CLICK HERE FOR THE VERY FIRST ENTRY OF THIS PART OF MY JOURNEY.Darkest-days-of-my-life.html

dealing-with-lifes-struggles-1972 CLICK HERE recommended books that helped me go through this part of my life.

 

 

MARCH MADNESS IN APRIL~1972

The month of April 1972 ushered in with renewed turmoil.  The letting go of my relationship was getting very involved and I was  struggling sending me  back into an earlier phase of grieving the end of that status.

  The previous emotions and feelings were resurfacing, emerging as even more frequent encounters toyed with them.  I struggled with my thoughts, trying desperately to corral them.  They were consumed with thoughts of self.  My spiritual life plummeted.  I tried to regain that closeness with God and his Word.
I often wondered if this madness would every end and would I be seeing sunnier weather.
  This was the year, Wed. April 5 that a tornado hit the east part of the city of Portland causing a nine-mile of destruction along its path.
 I felt as dark and dismal as the rain around me.  My finances were low and I had just spent my last dollar to attend a concert and I had no place to live.
God in His sovereignty had already made plans. ( Matthew 6:8. “. . .  for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask Him.”)  I was soon moving into a large gorgeous Victorian type house with the Alumni Secretary of the school to assist in the care of her mother who had Alzheimer's. Mornings were spent at the house in exchange for board, room, and a small salary.  I attended classes in the afternoons and evenings.

I began to feel loved and privileged, a respite for my soul, as I slowly made myself at home in this lovely place.  It appeared that I enjoyed the domestic assignments assigned to me as well as getting an introduction to AD.
I dug into the Word with renewed vigor and focused on the Psalms as disappointments came and went.
While attending Temple Baptist Church with the family I was introduced to Mr. Farrell, the owner of the Farrells Ice Cream parlor.  (To bad fb was not in existence and I did not have a camera at the time.)
Tues. April 18,1972 my life was spared.  I was within inches of being run over by a car as I was crossing the street and was very aware of God's protection over me.  Had I not stopped abruptly in the middle of the street I would not be telling this story.

I would have wished to believe that when a relationship is over, that it is over, however, with all the drama that ensued in the wake of such a dramatic turn of events. that did not appear to be the case.
The feelings and emotions returned with a vengeance as I watched from a far his return in forging his way into new relationships.
A jealous and revengeful attitude prompted me to entertain thoughts of making life miserable for him.

Sat. April 21,1972  I noted a dramatic entry.
My day began with the usual 5:30 am of spending time in the Word with prayer, praise, and thanksgiving.  Sometime during this event my thoughts wandered dramatically toward the past.
  I began longing for the pleasant events of the past.  My thoughts lingered a little to long.  I began to put blame on others for my difficulties.  Idle ideas crossed my mind as to how to make life more difficult for those who were involved.  Stupid, immature ideas such as letting the air out of tires, gossiping etc.
I suddenly got the urge to start throwing books at the wall.
I grabbed my teddy bear, the last physical gift I hung unto from that broken relationship, with sudden intentions to disembowel and send it in a small coffin to his place of employment, Finley's Mortuary.
After that emotional tirade, it was as if the Lord was speaking to me "Are not I more important? " "Isn't my love enough?"
A torrent of tears ensued,  ending abruptly
Following this melt-down,
I turned to the book of Romans but lingered in the fifth chapter.  The first ten verses made a deep impression.  Paul was saying to me "keep and guard your peace with God otherwise your old state will come back."  I was encouraged to keep standing in the grace of God by faith.
I READ: Romans 5

 Now that we have been put right with God through faith, we have^[ peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. ² He has brought us by faith into this experience of God's grace, in which we now live. And so we boast of the hope we have of sharing God's glory! ³ We also boast of our troubles, because we know that trouble produces endurance, ⁴ endurance brings God's approval, and his approval creates hope. ⁵ This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God's gift to us.

⁶ For when we were still helpless, Christ died for the wicked at the time that God chose. ⁷ It is a difficult thing for someone to die for a righteous person. It may even be that someone might dare to die for a good person. ⁸ But God has shown us how much he loves us—it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us! ⁹ By his blood we are now put right with God; how much more, then, will we be saved by him from God's anger! ¹⁰ We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life! ¹¹ But that is not all; we rejoice because of what God has done through our Lord Jesus Christ, who has now made us God's friends.

I was encouraged to look back on my life with the thought of my trials as an instrument to produce in me a better character and instill gratitude in my life for the way I have been led.

No further incidents of notable value incurred in April other than Teddy was either cremated or thrown in the trash, a last visible physical reminder of the past.  There followed pleasant routine events for seniors of which I was involved in.

The School Logo While I was attending

"If you love deeply, you’re going to get hurt badly. But it’s still worth it." (C.S. Lewis)

The first entry of my Darkest-days-of-my-life.  (CLICK HERE)  The first 

RECOMMENDED BOOKS mentioned in a previous post 

DEALING WITH LIFE'S STRUggLES-1972

Graduation loomed ahead with promises of change.  March brought new energies.
I began "Spring Cleaning" and packing meager belongings accumulated from the various living arrangements in anticipation of big changes.

Entry from March 15, 1972
Comments about PRAYER & PRAISE day: 
During the opening hour Professor David Needham gave a wonderful message
 on "WHY IT IS HARD TO PRAY?". 
( Professor Needham was one of my favorite professors.  He always spoke with such directness, preciseness, and understandable lectures.  They always led us into the presence of God. I learned many truths under his teaching.  His office door was always open and we were always invited to drop in if we had anything to talk about.~my sixty six-yr.-old-self)

 WHY IS IT SO HARD TO PRAY?
 Luke 18:1, We don't see answers right away.
Rom 4:20 , Eph.6:18 The size of the promise of God could be another reason it is so difficult. 
 We don't know how to put it into words.
We may be too tired or too sleepy.
There is a common principle between these verses:  Prayer is a vivid exercise of faith in coming to grips with God.  (It forces us to be honest.)
What can we do to alleviate the difficulty in our own prayer life? 
1.  CULTIVATE appreciation of who we are      and establish a relationship with Him.    John.15:15,16 

¹⁵ I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. ¹⁶ You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

2.  CULTIVATE a sense of contentment with God.  Are we disappointed in God and the circumstances he has put us in?
3.  CULTIVATE a concept of the bigness of God.  (wisdom, power and purpose of God.)


 Specific books I had been reading that year were of tremendous comfort and strength to me.

Here are reviews from outside sources:

"Sometimes it just feels like life is beating us up. We worry about our family, our health, our money, our time, and in the process we run ourselves ragged. These stressors are not a recent phenomenon, but have been with humanity since the fall. Even though The Christian's Secret to a Happy Life is over 130 years old, author Hannah Whitall Smith was aware of the age-old problems that plague humanity.

In her studies, she discovered that there is a way to handle the stressors in our life in a healthy way that builds us up instead of tearing us down. That way of dealing with life's trials is through living faithfully in the rest and comfort that Jesus offers us. True happiness does not come from an absence of difficulty, but through the loving embrace of our Savior. "

My 1956 Edition Given to me by the men's dorm mother in 1972

Andrew Hanson From the Christian Classics Library

Another Christian classic:

"Comfort is a word seldom associated with religious faith by those who are not Christians. Doesn’t religion make people uncomfortable with its demands? Isn’t life more comfortable when we just live the way we want? Who needs to worry about a judgmental God watching our every move? Even the word Jesus is enough to cause people to squirm in their seats. However, for many Christians the words Jesus and comfort are inextricably linked. In her classic work, God of All Comfort, Hannah Whitall Smith describes why faith in the Christian God leads to a comfort and joy that cannot be found elsewhere. Without Christ, life is little more than living through doubt, fear, and anxiety. In her inspirational work, Smith reminds the reader of the reality of God’s promises to his people. With Christ, doubt, fear, and anxiety are obsolete feelings. " Andrew Hanson CCEL Intern It was in March that I was first introduced to the writings of the Puritans. I had just finished reading the book by Jeremiah Burroughs, THE RARE JEWEL OF CONTENTMENT   A book that was written in 1648 by a Puritan author. " Burroughs does a wonderful job of reminding the reader that we are merely pilgrims passing through this world. That it is natural not to be comfortable here, because it is not our home. For example, he comments, “I am a traveler and I must not be finding fault; I am in another man’s house…”  He reminded me that my contentment and peace should derive from God alone, and from no earthly person or thing. Right at the start of the book, Burroughs offers this definition of contentment: “Christian Contentment is that sweet, inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, which FREELY submits to and delights in God’s wise and fatherly disposal in every condition.”

It was that last quote that had an obvious lasting impression on me as I noted it March 24,1972 and am now reading quotes from my twenty-two-year-old-self to my sixty-six-year-old-self.

WHAT IS THAT SMELL? Reflections from journal entry 1972

Paul wrote, "But thanks be to God who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and who makes known through us the fragrance that consists of the knowledge of him in every place" (II Corinthians 2:14 NET).

The Campus Chapel

Moffatt translates (II Cor.2: 14), "Wherever I go, thank God, He makes my life a constant pageant of triumph in Christ." We are trophies of the victorious grace of God."

"When we have been around Christ we begin to smell like Him." 

First entry for the month of March 1972

It began with a notation of II Cor.2:14 and mundane ramblings of a Tupperware party I hosted and making Russian Tea Cakes.
 But what really caught my attention was reflections of a first encounter with the book of Ecclesiastes.  I had just concluded a study, whether for a class study or on my own I do not recall, however, it made a deep impression on me.  It should be required by all college students to study this book.
I noted this in my journal:
"The books aim, to show that all earthly goals and blessings when pursued as ends in themselves lead to dissatisfaction and emptiness.  The highest good in life is revering God and obeying God, and enjoying life while one can.  The last verse sums up the whole book, that God is IN CONTROL.
One of the hardest things for me to realize that God is IN CONTROL of everything and no matter what I do to gain what I want, can be taken away no matter and circumstances can change, etc.
The foundation of life is the fear of God.  I'm finding that I don't know what God demands of me in everyday life unless I read the Word of God.  I am realizing more and more that my daily life shows or corresponds with how much I've been reading in God's Word.
If I make the service of God my supreme end, then my desires will be such as God can fulfill in answer to my prayers.  So much I am learning by just reading the Scriptures.  If it wasn't for God and his wonderful Word, I don't know where I would be."  (my 22-yr.-old self)
And bringing that down to the practical, I still found myself trying to control and take back the relinquishing of my right to marriage.  Although not as strong, I still found myself dreaming about a future with that certain young man and trouble with letting go some of the emotions and feelings that still lingered on so strongly, although randomly and few and far between as time marched along.

My Twenty-Two-Year-Self

Isaiah 58:11 (NIV)

¹¹ The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.

darkest-days-of-my-life CLICK HERE

SIGNS OF SPRING AND JOY 1972

My 22 yr. old self

My twenty-two-year-old-self continues to amaze me.
 February 1972 had drawn to a close.  The signs of Spring were approaching as well as signs of healing.  With February  almost behind me, the Lord had been amazingly good to me.  A sense of joy permeated my being as I relinquished  my right to marriage.
The fears, heart-brokenness, and frustration gave way to joy and calmness of heart.  I began to focus more on my prayer life.
Amid the trivial details of daily life, I noted the following notations about prayer:
"Prayer!  What a wonderful way to involve Jesus and God in my needs!  Nothing has driven me more towards prayer than the feeling of helplessness in the different circumstances he put me in.
But STOP!
  Is my prayer effective?
 Is it faithful?
  Am I seeing answers?
 Do I know who I'm praying for?
  What are my motives?
 Are they selfish?
  Am I impatient because I don't see answers come right away or as I had planned?
 If my answers don't come right away do I recognize the answers when they come later when I am out of the situation?
 Do I try to convince God that his answers should be as I have planned or do I help his answers to be answered?
  OUCH!"  and double OUCH1

Spent many an hour in the Prayer Chapel on Campus

"I am trying to make my prayer life more meaningful.  One of these steps toward that is in making it as personal as possible.  I have asked the H.S. to assign to me certain individuals that may need prayer.  Part of my prayer time is just quietude to prepare my heart to get rid of outside thoughts I may have at the moment."

Spent many an hour in  the Music practice rooms listening to my classmates play hymns

With February behind me and most visible signs of love around me I continued into March.

A-letter-to-my-twenty-two-year-old-self  CLICK HERE
Darkest-days-of-my-life    CLICK HERE

Why-another-pep-talk-to-myself-feb-1972  CLICK HERE

WHY? ANOTHER PEP-TALK TO MYSELF: Feb. 1972

WHY?  It appeared after delving further into my journal that I must of needed to remind myself  often of the glimmers of hope.  It has been an interesting journey and what an impact it has been after pouring over the entries some 40 yrs. later, bringing tears to my eyes at times to see THAT girl struggle so, laying the foundation for further adventures in life.

Entry, Mon.Feb.22, 1972
Why is God causing me to go through all that he is putting me through?
It seems sometimes I just can't bear one more step!  Yet he continues to uphold me.
My body just throbs with pain and it seems that almost every day I do not feel well, "but
He knoweth the way that I take, and when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold."
What can I do?  But just commit myself unto the hands of a "merciful and all wise" God, knowing that "all things work together for good to them that love God" and "that He who sees the end from the beginning" is working out for me a "far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory that fadeth not away."  II Cor.4:17
It seems with each trial he increases it a little more and I say "I can't take it anymore" but I know that he won't permit anything above what I can not bear. (Ps.46:10)    And when the purpose for the trial is accomplished then God will take it away. (Ps.34:18)
  (Me in 2015:  or replace it with another one as my life unto this point has been full of them but had it not been for this foundation, I probably would be at another place in the journey.)

What is all this doing to me?, besides losing pounds?
Am I learning anything?
If so what?
So far I have learned this:
-The actual value of faith
-The worth and glory of patiently waiting on God.
-The beauty of sacrifice.
-Knowing God in a more real way and appreciating Him now more than ever.
-Given me a new insight into life.
-It has broadened my outlook on life.
-It has strengthened me Spiritually.
-It has given me some time to think and meditate on His Word.
WHY?  WHY is He teaching me all this?
Perhaps to making me more fit for service he has for me in the future.
Here are some other way, Becky.  God is working in my life:
-He is showing me my weaknesses- self-pity, lack of enough interest in others.
-He has been developing my character.
-He is slowly weeding out unwanted areas in my life like worry and reliance on other people and material things.
-He is showing me what real Bible Study IS.
-He wants my body as a living sacrifice and I shout treat it with care and not subject it to what I know God would not want.
-Reliance on Him for teeny, tiny things, during the day.
-The importance of prayer. 

Ephesians 6:18 (NIV)

¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
 Entry for Feb.23,1972
As I read this entry, here, now in 2015, I continue to amaze myself as to what struck my interest for encouragement during that dark year and how my roller coaster emotional status changed so often, preparing me for future status's.
More often than not, I was usually struck by something I had read, as I was, and am an avid reader. 
This day, I had been reading something about "The Shortest, Surest Way To All Happiness."
"Make it a rule to thank and praise God for everything that happens to you, for it is certain that whatever seeming calamity which comes to you, if you thank and praise God for it you turn it into a blessing.
Could you therefore, work miracles you could not do more for yourself than by this thankful spirit;  for it needs not a word spoken, and turns all it touches into happiness."  Author unknown to me. 
HE MAKES NO MISTAKES  CLICK HERE

MY TWENTY-TWO-YR.-OLD SELF

LETTER TO MY TWENTY-  TWO-YEAR-OLD SELF  CLICK HERE

JUST HANGING BY A THREAD  CLICK HERE

GALAVANTING THOUGHTS CLICK HERE

JUST HANGING ON BY A THREAD: Feb.1972

The approach of Valentines Day sent me spiraling, at recalling heart wrenching, painful memories. It was a very low point in my journey.  I felt devastatingly lonely.  It was hard to fathom how I was going to get through this. anniversary of the engagement.  I felt like I was holding on by a thread.

After working an extended shift at The Manor, I felt extremely tired and weary.  That next night would be my last day of work there.

I noted in my journal the following:
Sat. Feb. 5  "How many times have I needed friends to help me in a cheerful constructive way only to have them fail?
How many times have I needed physical strength to perform only to have it fail?  How many times have I needed encouragement and enthusiasm, only to be met with criticism and indifference?  My attitude and tendency toward this is self-pity.  ...self-pity eats hearts out like acid and affects other people we come in contact with.

My thoughts when self-pity sets in:  Why go on in life?  Why keep trying?  This does not help.
I need to press onward.  Thankfulness and reaching out to others, and reading God's Word helps."

Found the following poem and noted it the end of that entry for the day.

LOVE grows stronger when assailed;
LOVE conquers where all else has failed.
LOVE ever  blesses those who curse;
LOVE gives the better for the worse.
LOVE unbinds others its bonds,  
LOVE pours forgiveness from its wounds.  

Feb. 14  Turned out fantastic!  Feeling overwhelmed and very discouraged I turned to the Scripures and spent most of the day pouring out my overwhelming self to Abba Father.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. Psalm 142:3

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. Isaiah 40:28

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.       Isaiah 40:31

Feb.16 entry, a pep talk to self in the wake of Valentines Day as depression settled temporarily for the day.

Struggling with my feelings and emotions as I write the following:
"A broken engagement does not mean an end to life!  (Although my feelings were telling me different.)  My first instincts were to blame God for what happened.  But God has put me in this situation because he has trusted me to put me into it.

I am in this situation drawing more from God to be sweet, patient, and faithful than I would be in any other circumstances.  God has put me in this circumstance which is like a term in school.  I am so grateful the way the Lord has led me and dealt with me that more explicit words fail to express.
My responsibility in my circumstance or what ever the Lord puts me into is an opportunity to trust God more and honor and glorify Him.
I must not be idle in waiting for God to take me out of it.
I realize that God has a purpose for me to be right where I am and in the circumstances I am in now.
God has placed me in the situation He needs me in the most and that which is best for me.
If I am unwilling to serve Him now, it only proves I am unready to serve him in any other situation or circumstances of service he may put me in.
So Rebecca get with it!   And don't give up as the Devil would have you do."

 forging-my-way-through-1971