CULTIVATING JOY: MARCH MADNESS IN APRIL~1972

The month of April 1972 ushered in with renewed turmoil. The letting go of my relationship was getting very involved and I was struggling sending me back into an earlier phase of grieving the end of that status.

The previous emotions and feelings were resurfacing, emerging as even more frequent encounters toyed with them. I struggled with my thoughts, trying desperately to corral them. They were consumed with thoughts of self. My spiritual life plummeted. I tried to regain that closeness with God and his Word.
I often wondered if this madness would every end and would I be seeing sunnier weather.
This was the year, Wed. April 5 that a tornado hit the east part of the city of Portland causing a nine-mile of destruction along its path.
I felt as dark and dismal as the rain around me. My finances were low and I had just spent my last dollar to attend a concert and I had no place to live.
God in His sovereignty had already made plans. ( Matthew 6:8. “. . . for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask Him.”) I was soon moving into a large gorgeous Victorian type house with the Alumni Secretary of the school to assist in the care of her mother who had Alzheimer's. Mornings were spent at the house in exchange for board, room, and a small salary. I attended classes in the afternoons and evenings.

I began to feel loved and privileged, a respite for my soul, as I slowly made myself at home in this lovely place. It appeared that I enjoyed the domestic assignments assigned to me as well as getting an introduction to AD.
I dug into the Word with renewed vigor and focused on the Psalms as disappointments came and went.
While attending Temple Baptist Church with the family I was introduced to Mr. Farrell, the owner of the Farrells Ice Cream parlor. (To bad fb was not in existence and I did not have a camera at the time.)
Tues. April 18,1972 my life was spared. I was within inches of being run over by a car as I was crossing the street and was very aware of God's protection over me. Had I not stopped abruptly in the middle of the street I would not be telling this story.

I would have wished to believe that when a relationship is over, that it is over, however, with all the drama that ensued in the wake of such a dramatic turn of events. that did not appear to be the case.
The feelings and emotions returned with a vengeance as I watched from a far his return in forging his way into new relationships.
A jealous and revengeful attitude prompted me to entertain thoughts of making life miserable for him.

Sat. April 21,1972 I noted a dramatic entry.
My day began with the usual 5:30 am of spending time in the Word with prayer, praise, and thanksgiving. Sometime during this event my thoughts wandered dramatically toward the past.
I began longing for the pleasant events of the past. My thoughts lingered a little to long. I began to put blame on others for my difficulties. Idle ideas crossed my mind as to how to make life more difficult for those who were involved. Stupid, immature ideas such as letting the air out of tires, gossiping etc.
I suddenly got the urge to start throwing books at the wall.
I grabbed my teddy bear, the last physical gift I hung unto from that broken relationship, with sudden intentions to disembowel and send it in a small coffin to his place of employment, Finley's Mortuary.
After that emotional tirade, it was as if the Lord was speaking to me "Are not I more important? " "Isn't my love enough?"
A torrent of tears ensued, ending abruptly
Following this melt-down,
I turned to the book of Romans but lingered in the fifth chapter. The first ten verses made a deep impression. Paul was saying to me "keep and guard your peace with God otherwise your old state will come back." I was encouraged to keep standing in the grace of God by faith.
I READ: Romans 5

Now that we have been put right with God through faith, we have^[ peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. ²He has brought us by faith into this experience of God's grace, in which we now live. And so we boast of the hope we have of sharing God's glory! ³We also boast of our troubles, because we know that trouble produces endurance, ⁴endurance brings God's approval, and his approval creates hope. ⁵This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God's gift to us.

⁶For when we were still helpless, Christ died for the wicked at the time that God chose. ⁷It is a difficult thing for someone to die for a righteous person. It may even be that someone might dare to die for a good person. ⁸But God has shown us how much he loves us—it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us! ⁹By his blood we are now put right with God; how much more, then, will we be saved by him from God's anger! ¹⁰We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life! ¹¹But that is not all; we rejoice because of what God has done through our Lord Jesus Christ, who has now made us God's friends.

I was encouraged to look back on my life with the thought of my trials as an instrument to produce in me a better character and instill gratitude in my life for the way I have been led.

No further incidents of notable value incurred in April other than Teddy was either cremated or thrown in the trash, a last visible physical reminder of the past. There followed pleasant routine events for seniors of which I was involved in.