CULTIVATING JOY: MY BRUSH WITH DEATH

After calling 911, five very good looking paramedics soon crowded my small cluttered bedroom. Within a few minutes of being hooked up to the monitor, it was evident that something horrible was transpiring in side.
What began as a little discomfort as I was trying to make myself comfortable for the night, soon intensified without any pain.

My Maker has a grand design and intention for me that is not yet complete.

I had, had an uneventful day and looked forward to all the children we were expecting in the nursery that Wednesday night. The atmosphere was electric with every one buzzing around with last minute preparations for the 2014 Shepherds Conference to begin. Everyone was anticipating another years conference and emotions were running high.
As providence would have it, no children showed up to my room and we closed it down and I was allowed to go home.
The discomfort intensified accompanied by pain by the time I was loaded into the ambulance. My Maker was in process of His grand design and intentions for me that night. It felt like I was going into labor and I had difficulty breathing by the time they hooked me up to every imaginable thing and popping aspirin and nitroglycerin into my mouth as the pain escalated.

Bar Coded

Our ETA was 6 minutes, I heard the driver as he communicated with the ER at the hospital. With sirens blaring, at around mid-night, it felt like we hit every pothole and bump in the street.

Upon my arrival, I was swiftly met by a prepared team of techies,nurses,Drs, etc. who disconnected me from the ambulance equipment and hooked me up to various other machines.
By then the pain had so intensified, morphine was added to my IV. A peace and calm immediately engulfed me, thanking the Lord, and not quite realizing until later that it was the effects of the morphine,I laugh at myself at the thought as any anxiety left, my first experience with the drug.

God vs. Drug

I fought the thought that my peace and calm had not come from God but the drug, yet I sensed God's presence throughout the night.

With in about 15 min. a cardiologist and his team had assembled in the cardio lab. waiting for me to be wheeled in for the angiogram and a stent placed. The procedure lasted 1 hr. and 1/2. They found that my artery was 100% blocked. I was told that I came at just the right time and to the right place as Valley Pres. had excellent cardio care.
By 2:30am, I was resting comfortably in the ICU with no damage to the heart.

TWO WEEKS LATER: So exhausted, I was just making it from bench to bench to rest on an outing to the Getty Center with one of my daughters

The hospital team was amazed at how swiftly things progressed and kept asking me how I knew when to call 911 as most people wait for other symptoms to even call.

2 weeks later

I just knew that something was not right and that intensity kept mounting with a sense of doom although, I did not recognize it as serious until, I arrived at the hospital.

Lest toxic thoughts get the better of me, this experience left me with a heightened sense of awareness of how fragile life is and to value what is really important and filter out what is not.

With my Sandpaper Twin

It changed my perspective. It shocked me into considering the more significant aspects of life. It prepared me for the shock at the time of my son’s death several months later.

I have read the Scriptures with many different pairs of glasses but Scriptures have never changed.

It triggered an avalanche of thoughts, emotions, and introspection.
It left me with an increased ability to live in the present. As much as I wanted to live in the past and the future, the now time is all I have.
A sense of deep gratitude for everything over took me as I de-cluttered the meaning of my life, a strong sense of purpose overwhelmed my thoughts as I continued to study the Scriptures.

“Life is 10 percent what you make it
and 90 percent how you take it.”
― Irving Berlin

My fervor and commitment to the Scriptures intensified.
I began to sense a sharp decreased interest in material possessions as spiritual life became more central as well as learning to live with my limitations as a result of residual affects of aging and health. The struggle to live within these limitations as I live in now time are a constant frustration as overwhelming strength fails.

I draw comfort from the fact that, I am in today right now, and draw my strength from God today.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isa.41:10

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Cor.12:10

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Cor.12:9