P.D. Eastman’s book “Are You My
Mother” is a tale of a newly hatched bird attempting to figure out who his mother is. Not knowing what she looks like makes his adventure a challenge as he
is determined to find her.
I have often ask myself the same thing as my earlier years were spent at boarding school with haphazardly chosen house parents, often causing lengthy separation from both my parents and siblings.
In the 40’s young couples set out with lofty ambitions, boarding trains, ships, and planes to distant places, often devoid of the comforts and ease accustomed to fulfill the Great Commission.
It required a pioneer spirit and a willingness to endure physical and other hardships. The lengthy separations were just accepted as part of the price. Communication was painfully slow and often unreliable. One of the heaviest burdens to bear was saying goodbye, always a transient place where someone was always leaving or arriving.
I became emotionally disconnected from my parents at age six when I was sent away to begin my education. I still loved and respected them, however, the emotional dependence was severed.
Don’t get me wrong, my parents did some miraculous things but I lost the chance to have a close relationship with them, when sent away.
The pressure to be good for the sake of our parents ministry was strong, lifelong strain in relationships with family members became common.
Deep connection to the country in which I spent my childhood, and the local people who were a part of my young years remains.
I have warm memories of the food, the culture, the climate and vegetation.
My accent remains strong.
In truth, none of us were ever handed a perfect heritage. Because our parents learning by doing and limited by their weaknesses did not always offer what was needed. In light of those thoughts I do not want to be consumed with harboring negative thoughts or focusing on what could have been. Missionary life is not what it used to be.For the accounts of my first days of school click on link below.
Everybody has a Story, My Journey Part 2
So did that emotional disconnect affect future relationships with my family?
ReplyDeleteWhether intentional or not, we were trained to accept the hardships imposed on us. From an early age I was made to feel that the eternal welfare of the native people depended on my compliance. If I complied, I believed I could gain accolades from my parents.
I just instinctively knew not to burden my parents with insignificant things. For a long time, I had very very few memories of my earlier years.
They did not see my tears. I cried alone at night in the safety of my bunk. The current dorm parents, who were parents themselves appeared to favor their own children and when scuffles arouse there were incidences of injustice.
When my mother passed away, I was numb, indifferent and shed no tears, however, as time goes on and I am able to process the past, I see how all of this has fueled my relationship with a God who does not change and His Word that does not change.
So yes, the disconnect has affected my relationship with a God that journeyed with me and yes it has affected inter personal family relationships..