The day before had been a pleasant drive from Portland to Redding. Although we shared the drive with another classmate, conversation led to many topics. The mood was festive.
The next day, a fog settled in as preparations for Thanksgiving dinner were made at the home of my fiancees parents. As I prepared for the day, I sensed a somewhat distant coldness that I had not felt before as I was greeted later that morning. Before the dinner commenced, I was told that the engagement was off and accused of not being saved and being unfit.
I was left stunned and blindsided.
I felt a swift-painful betrayal. I slowly made my way back to the bedroom with tear-filled eyes.
I felt pulled and ripped apart attempting to make sense out of the words I had just heard.
I felt like everything was being taken away from me even my salvation.
I somehow forced myself to integrate my thoughts by this disturbing event and stoically went back out to join the family and proceed with much silence through out the day just wishing to get it over.
Silence ruled the trip back to school as our classmate slept in the back seat of that cramped VW bug. The atmosphere was suffocating. I felt like a dish rag that had just been thrown away.
For a year black days sent me into an emotional tail spin. My health was affected. My faith was tested. All that I had hoped for and dreamed of was gone.
Amidst this sudden and dramatic event that filled me with overwhelming sadness, I was aware of God’s strength. God’s word anchored me and continually guided me.
Even though there was still hurt, and pain, just knowing that God’s love and presence were available provided comfort.
Just knowing that God held me in the midst of this storm and was sharing my journey strengthened me.
During this tough time it was difficult to grasp the fact that God knew what was going on and had OTHER plans for me.
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