JUST HANGING ON BY A THREAD: Feb.1972

The approach of Valentines Day sent me spiraling, at recalling heart wrenching, painful memories. It was a very low point in my journey.  I felt devastatingly lonely.  It was hard to fathom how I was going to get through this. anniversary of the engagement.  I felt like I was holding on by a thread.

After working an extended shift at The Manor, I felt extremely tired and weary.  That next night would be my last day of work there.

I noted in my journal the following:
Sat. Feb. 5  "How many times have I needed friends to help me in a cheerful constructive way only to have them fail?
How many times have I needed physical strength to perform only to have it fail?  How many times have I needed encouragement and enthusiasm, only to be met with criticism and indifference?  My attitude and tendency toward this is self-pity.  ...self-pity eats hearts out like acid and affects other people we come in contact with.

My thoughts when self-pity sets in:  Why go on in life?  Why keep trying?  This does not help.
I need to press onward.  Thankfulness and reaching out to others, and reading God's Word helps."

Found the following poem and noted it the end of that entry for the day.

LOVE grows stronger when assailed;
LOVE conquers where all else has failed.
LOVE ever  blesses those who curse;
LOVE gives the better for the worse.
LOVE unbinds others its bonds,  
LOVE pours forgiveness from its wounds.  

Feb. 14  Turned out fantastic!  Feeling overwhelmed and very discouraged I turned to the Scripures and spent most of the day pouring out my overwhelming self to Abba Father.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. Psalm 142:3

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. Isaiah 40:28

But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.       Isaiah 40:31

Feb.16 entry, a pep talk to self in the wake of Valentines Day as depression settled temporarily for the day.

Struggling with my feelings and emotions as I write the following:
"A broken engagement does not mean an end to life!  (Although my feelings were telling me different.)  My first instincts were to blame God for what happened.  But God has put me in this situation because he has trusted me to put me into it.

I am in this situation drawing more from God to be sweet, patient, and faithful than I would be in any other circumstances.  God has put me in this circumstance which is like a term in school.  I am so grateful the way the Lord has led me and dealt with me that more explicit words fail to express.
My responsibility in my circumstance or what ever the Lord puts me into is an opportunity to trust God more and honor and glorify Him.
I must not be idle in waiting for God to take me out of it.
I realize that God has a purpose for me to be right where I am and in the circumstances I am in now.
God has placed me in the situation He needs me in the most and that which is best for me.
If I am unwilling to serve Him now, it only proves I am unready to serve him in any other situation or circumstances of service he may put me in.
So Rebecca get with it!   And don't give up as the Devil would have you do."

 forging-my-way-through-1971

HE MAKETH NO MISTAKES: 1972

In my college years I was so encouraged by these poems that I hand copied it into my journal during the  hardest times of my life.

He Maketh No Mistake 
  (March 8,1972 entry)

My Father’s way may twist and turn,
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I’m glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But I’ll trust my Lord to lead
For He doth know the way.

Tho’ night be dark, and it may seem
That day will never break,
I’ll pin my faith, my all in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There’s so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight’s far too dim;
But come what may, I’ll simply trust
And leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift
And plain it all He’ll make,
Through all the way, tho’ dark to me
He made not one mistake.

by A.M. Overton

Psalm 27:14  

"Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."

THY WEAKNESS--HIS STRENGTH
 (Feb.17, 1972 entry)

 His grace is sufficient, whatever the pathway,
His strength in thy weakness shall perfected be;
So great is His love it never can weary
Of meeting thy need and caring for thee.

His grace is sufficient, thou ne’er canst exhaust it,
Be strong in that grace which floweth to thee,
Draw largely, continually, out from His fullness,
He still is sufficient, He careth for thee.

Thou’rt nothing but weakness, His arms are around thee,
Not a thing canst thou do, but simply lie still,
And learn in the pathway of simple dependence,
A song of thanksgiving, since this is God’s will.
Then cling in thy weakness for He is beside thee,
Upholding, supporting, sustaining thee still;
And know that the Father is only just working
To mold thee and fashion thee unto His will.

Thy weakness He’ll use to display His own glory,
Resurrection strength then shall perfected be,
And thus thou shalt prove through the wilderness journey,
His grace shall be always sufficient of for thee.

And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance.  Rom.5:3

I Believe...  Annie Johnson Flint

 (Jan.25,1972 entry during a time I was doubting salvation and trust in God.)

 I BELIEVE!   I BELIEVE!

God will never fail me, never leave,

I BELIEVE He holds me, and I know

His strong hand will never let me go.

Seeing, hearing, feeling what are these?

Given or withheld as He shall please.

I BELIEVE in Him and what He saith.

I have faith in Him, NOT in my faith

That may fail, today, or tomorrow.

Trust may weaken, feeling pass away,

Thoughts grow weary, anxious or depressed,

I BELIEVE in God and HERE I REST.

Ephesians 3:16 "That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; 17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; 19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. 20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, 21 Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen."

The Answered Prayer (Entry Jan. 29,1972)

by Annie Johnson Flint

I prayed for strength, and then I lost awhile
All sense of nearness, human and divine;
The love I leaned on, failed and pierced my heart,
The hands I clung to loosed themselves from mine;
And while I swayed, weak, trembling and alone,
The everlasting arms upheld my own.

I prayed for light; the sun went down in clouds,
The moon was darkened by my misty doubt,
The stars of heaven were dimmed by
And all my little candle flame burned out; earthly fears
But while I sat in shadow, wrapped in night
The face of Christ made all the darkness bright.

I prayed for peace, and dreamed of restful ease,
A slumber drugged from pain, a hushed repose;
Above my head the skies were black with storm,
And fiercer grew the onslaught of my foes;
But while the battle raged, and wild winds blew
I heard His voice, and perfect peace I knew.

I thank Thee, Lord, Thou art too kind to heed
My feeble prayers, and answer as I sought,
Since these rich gifts Thy bounty has bestowed
Have brought me more than I have asked or thought.
Giver of good, so answer each request
With Thine own giving, better than my best.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In 1932, My grandfather, A.M. Overton, was a pastor of a church in Mississippi with a wife and three small children. His wife was pregnant with their fourth child but when it came time for delivery, there were complications and both she and the baby died. During the funeral service, the preacher officiating the service noticed my grandfather writing something on a piece of paper. After the service the minister asked him about it, and he handed him the paper with a poem he had just written which he titled, “He Maketh No Mistake”.

"He Maketh No Mistake"

My Father’s way may twist and turn
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I’m glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.

Tho’ night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break,
I’ll pin my faith, my all, in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There’s so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight’s far too dim,
But come what may,
I’ll simply trust and leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift,
And plain it all He’ll make,
Through all the way, tho’ dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
 

- A.M. Overton, 1932

- See more at: http://www.churchlead.com/mind_wanderings/view/1630/he_maketh_no_mistake#sthash.lnImSP97.dpuf

In 1932, My grandfather, A.M. Overton, was a pastor of a church in Mississippi with a wife and three small children. His wife was pregnant with their fourth child but when it came time for delivery, there were complications and both she and the baby died. During the funeral service, the preacher officiating the service noticed my grandfather writing something on a piece of paper. After the service the minister asked him about it, and he handed him the paper with a poem he had just written which he titled, “He Maketh No Mistake”.

"He Maketh No Mistake"

My Father’s way may twist and turn
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I’m glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.

Tho’ night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break,
I’ll pin my faith, my all, in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There’s so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight’s far too dim,
But come what may,
I’ll simply trust and leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift,
And plain it all He’ll make,
Through all the way, tho’ dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
 

- A.M. Overton, 1932

- See more at: http://www.churchlead.com/mind_wanderings/view/1630/he_maketh_no_mistake#sthash.lnImSP97.dpuf

In 1932, My grandfather, A.M. Overton, was a pastor of a church in Mississippi with a wife and three small children. His wife was pregnant with their fourth child but when it came time for delivery, there were complications and both she and the baby died. During the funeral service, the preacher officiating the service noticed my grandfather writing something on a piece of paper. After the service the minister asked him about it, and he handed him the paper with a poem he had just written which he titled, “He Maketh No Mistake”.

"He Maketh No Mistake"

My Father’s way may twist and turn
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I’m glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.

Tho’ night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break,
I’ll pin my faith, my all, in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There’s so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight’s far too dim,
But come what may,
I’ll simply trust and leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift,
And plain it all He’ll make,
Through all the way, tho’ dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
 

- A.M. Overton, 1932

---

- See more at: http://www.churchlead.com/mind_wanderings/view/1630/he_maketh_no_mistake#sthash.YHuG1zxy.dpuf

In 1932, My grandfather, A.M. Overton, was a pastor of a church in Mississippi with a wife and three small children. His wife was pregnant with their fourth child but when it came time for delivery, there were complications and both she and the baby died. During the funeral service, the preacher officiating the service noticed my grandfather writing something on a piece of paper. After the service the minister asked him about it, and he handed him the paper with a poem he had just written which he titled, “He Maketh No Mistake”.

"He Maketh No Mistake"

My Father’s way may twist and turn
My heart may throb and ache,
But in my soul I’m glad to know,
He maketh no mistake.

My cherished plans may go astray,
My hopes may fade away,
But still I’ll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.

Tho’ night be dark and it may seem
That day will never break,
I’ll pin my faith, my all, in Him,
He maketh no mistake.

There’s so much now I cannot see,
My eyesight’s far too dim,
But come what may,
I’ll simply trust and leave it all to Him.

For by and by the mist will lift,
And plain it all He’ll make,
Through all the way, tho’ dark to me,
He made not one mistake.
 

- A.M. Overton, 1932

---

- See more at: http://www.churchlead.com/mind_wanderings/view/1630/he_maketh_no_mistake#sthash.YHuG1zxy.dpuf

A LETTER TO MY TWENTY-TWO-YEAR-OLD SELF

Dear Younger Self;
Was my twenty-two-year-old self me, or not me?
What would I tell myself?
I would have loved to tell  that it was a defining time and I did not have the wisdom that I have gleaned from a lifetime of experiences but that is OK.

After that year of heartbreak that was endured, it's going to get better.  Don't get me wrong there will be more heart break in the future, but also joy. Some truths take a lifetime to live into.
After picking up the splintered fragments of life know that trusting God in senseless circumstances will lead to greater moments with Him.
Be content with accepting God's plan. Some plans will be different than envisioned.
Dwell on what is known to be true rather than fixated on the circumstances at hand.
Plans are easily crumbled before your eyes.
It's OK to be ripped out of your dreams.
Viewing life as spinning out of control is difficult to fathom so remember God's absolute control.

     
Know this that God is constantly revealing His love and care.  It is OK to not fully understand the purposes of our circumstances.
It is OK to wonder if God was who he said He was.  That wonder will lead to searching the Scriptures.
One day far into the future you will be grateful for those trials.
Remember not to trust in circumstances that constantly change. Exchange it for trusting an unchanging God.
If expectations do not coincide with reality don't hang onto them. The terrible prospect of staying single will loom on the horizon as classmates prepare for future engagements and weddings as graduation nears.

However, the prospect of a deeper relationship with God is a more attainable goal.  The values of knowing Christ are enriching.  Set out to discover those values, as hidden treasures.  They may be your only options at times.
Choose those things that are important to God over the things of the world.  No matter what you lose, you cannot lose your joy and treasure you have in Christ and the Scriptures.

There are no short cuts through life if we gain through adversity.  Resolve to remain on course and forge on.
Cravings for earthly relationships is very real and it is OK to feel loneliness.  Loneliness cultivates the perfect environment for teachable moments, however, it can also contribute to depression. Balance your feelings, don't act on them.  You cannot trust them.  They are constantly changing.
God will continue to show you what is meant by having a relationship with Him instead of the one you crave.
The love for the Lord will become less distant and become more personal. 
Yours Truly,
Your Sixty-Six-year-old-self. 

  "I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee." Job 42:5
(The difference between hearing about and seeing)
Phil.3:7-ll
⁷ But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in^[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Psalm 42:8  By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.

http://cultivatingjoy-cultivatingjoy.blogspot.com/2015/12why-Another-pep-talk-to-myself-feb-1972  CLICK HERE

GALLAVANTING THOUGHTS: Feb. 1972

My thoughts continued, gallivanting as I

continued along this painful journey.  I recoiled at how much time I spent in letting those thoughts ramble.
I had these idealistic notions and misguided thoughts sending glimmers of hope about my relational status.  Frequent encounters played with emotions and strongly affected feelings, leaving tear stained pages in my journal.
To say that understanding those present struggles would be an understatement.
I embraced my life-shaking circumstances, clinging to God's promises.
 I continued to take solace and direction from the Scriptures.

 I felt, many times in that year, like I was forging a path through uncharted waters.
 My parents set out on their journey with faith and optimism. They saw potential in disconcerting environments. I knew I would need some of those same qualities as life was hurdling me toward the future.
My mind wanted the tangible proof that I was loved and cared for.  The feelings were intense.
My life had already been committed to the Lord but was I willing to relinquish my right to marriage?
I fought the urge to dream on and indulge in self-pity, reluctantly relinquishing my rights.
                      (Scripture verses found in my daily readings that I found comfort in.)

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." -- Isaiah 26:3

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -- John 16:33

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." -- Matthew 11:28

"But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” -- Matthew 19:26

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -- Proverbs 3:5-6

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." -- 2 Corinthians 4:17

Copied into my journal, entry Jan.25,1972 , I took notice of one of my favorite poets, Annie Johnson Flint:

“I believe God”

I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me (Acts 27:35)

“I believe” – but, do I? Am I sure

Can I trust my trusting to endure?

Can I hope that my belief will last?

Will my hand forever hold Him fast?

Am I certain I am saved from sin?

Do I feel His presence here within?

Do I hear Him tell me that He cares?

Do I see the answers to my prayers?

Do no fears my confidence assail?

Do I know my faith will never fail?

“I believe” – ay, I do, I believe

He will  never fail me, never leave

I believe He holds me, and I know

His strong hand will never let me go;

Seeing, hearing, feeling – what are these?

Given or withheld as He shall please.

I believe in Him and what He saith;

I have faith in Him, not in my faith

That may fail, tomorrow or today;

Trust may weaken, feeling pass away,

Thoughts grow weary, anxious or depressed;

I believe in God – and here I rest.

Annie Johnson Flint
FORGING ON 
http://cultivatingjoy-cultivatingjoy.blogspot.com/2015/12/forging-my-way-through-1971.html#.VmnOTXtDaY4 

FORGING MY WAY THROUGH: 1971

Trading six days of sunny California weather for the rainy climate of Portland, I determined to forge my way through the next year.
It became my resolve to renew my efforts to search the Scriptures and move on in my studies til completion.
I found myself back in the work,sleep,school cycle and tumultuous feelings after spending those six days re-evaluating plans for the future with possibilities in several directions.  I had just received an acceptance letter to attend SIL (Summer Institute of Linguistics) for the coming summer with the intentions of applying to Wycliffe as well as a tour of Gospel Recordings to a possible internship there.

Another Thanksgiving came and went.  There still remained strong feelings toward spurned love.  I will spare the details from my journal.  I was pelted with strong urges to make a fool of myself and act in selfish, revengeful ways as campus encounters were many and I still had high hopes although I was dating others. (Butterscotch Sundays and Burgerville, Farrells Ice Cream)

I struggled with my thoughts and emotions, despairing in my ability to keep on with my studies, I battled inner feelings of spiritual dryness, although not abandoning total times of staying in the Word.
December came with an impending feeling.  A strong indication of stormy trials ahead, however, the Lord continued to show me in little ways how much He cared for me.
 I felt a prompting to take a short break, taking the bus down to Salem to visit my grandparents.  I spent three glorious days with them and they drove me back up to school encouraged.
Feeling a surge of loneliness, I dove into a school project, fighting the urge to crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself.  It was Christmas Eve.  In a few hours I was to be at work for the grave yard shift.  I opened the few gifts I had and spent some time in prayer.
Christmas morning dawned and I in better spirits spent the day alone.  Well almost alone.  It will be a day I will never forget as I looked around my sparse, cheerless, bare room.  It sent thoughts of that first Christmas along time ago.

I was NOT alone.  My Abba Father was with me.  I committed myself again to His care with a grateful heart for all the trials and affliction that were bestowed on me and begged for grace, wisdom, and courage to continue on.

"...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead."  Phil.3:13

"But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold."   Job 23:10

BUBBLES & BIBLE STORIES: slideshow video

A Captivated Audience

Adventures of Joy: summing up my 15+yrs.  in the Children's ministry at Grace Community.

CLICK HERE FOR RELATED POSTS About my nursery ministry

RETIRED  CLICK HERE  FOR IT'S OFFICIAL

THE VOICE OF JOY: Celebrating 40 yrs.! Video

A reminder to stick with it to the end.  God has not called me to quit. 

40 yrs. Of Dancing In The Minefields Of Life

 Remind me dear Lord that you continue to walk me through and around life's minefields.

Navigating through life has been hard.

March 2014

I admit that there have been times we've nearly fallen into minefields, wrong roads, or off that rocky cliff.

December 13, 1975

It's not the actual challenges life throws at me but learning how to deal with them.  I have struggled through parts of life that would be difficult and had it not been for your presence Lord, my status would be far from your plan for me.  ~Becky

 The-cost-and-beauty-of-marriage

Montecito Park Union Church

JUST CULTIVATING SOME JOY~Video

So, I am trying to see if I can transfer my videos from fb over to my blog.
I am so grateful for a hubs that enjoys driving so I can enjoy the journey.
This video is from our trip back in June with stops in Davis, CA, Bend, Eugene, Salem, Dayton, and Dallas.
I am still learning a lot about putting videos together and all the options afforded to me.

CATCHING GLIMMERS & JUST HAPPENS TO's

Our previous months devotional from the book of Ruth laid the backdrop to this dramatic narrative.  The drama unfolds to reveal a family faced with  life events, marriage, moving home, bereavement,care giving, and family relationships.  It is an account of love and a beautiful commitment of to Naomi on the part of Ruth, who was willing to sacrifice her life as a care giver and provider.  She was willing to forgo her own comfort.
As dramatic as these events of life are, we were reminded that God uses his people to work out His purposes for His glory.
We catch glimmers of hope no matter how desperate our circumstances.  We catch glimmers of God’s lavish redeeming mercy and grace.  We catch glimmers of God’s character, His provision and compassion for the needy.
What seemed like  random choices was God’s hand of guidance.

Naomi and Ruth just HAPPENED to arrive at barley harvest.  Ruth just HAPPENED to choose Boaz’s field, who just HAPPENED to be a bachelor and a Godly man.  Ruth just HAPPENED to find favor in Boaz’s eyes and she HAPPENED to be working at the time Boaz shows up.
We catch glimmers of Boaz reflecting those character qualities of God.
With an incredible move, he is in position to bring Ruth out of her circumstances and provided abundantly.
He anticipated and met her needs by quenching her thirst,  made sure she had access to water, he fed her, he made sure her baskets went home full.
A pastor summed it in these words, “We see how God providentially guides and provides in what may outwardly appear to be inconsequential moments.  God does some of His most extraordinary work through ordinary events and people.”
 Boaz demonstrated God’s character of God by graciously and lovingly making a widow, a foreigner a part of his family.
“All our lives are tributes to the providence of God.”
This story so far reveals how BIG the need is and designed to reveal how BIG our God is.
Whatever chaotic circumstances one finds himself in we can trust that God has, is, and will be at work.
When we care for a loved one, how do we go above and beyond in our care?
FEELINGS OF DESPAIR
PREVIOUS DEVOTIONAL SUMMARY FROM RUTH