GALLAVANTING THOUGHTS: Feb. 1972

My thoughts continued, gallivanting as I

continued along this painful journey.  I recoiled at how much time I spent in letting those thoughts ramble.
I had these idealistic notions and misguided thoughts sending glimmers of hope about my relational status.  Frequent encounters played with emotions and strongly affected feelings, leaving tear stained pages in my journal.
To say that understanding those present struggles would be an understatement.
I embraced my life-shaking circumstances, clinging to God's promises.
 I continued to take solace and direction from the Scriptures.

 I felt, many times in that year, like I was forging a path through uncharted waters.
 My parents set out on their journey with faith and optimism. They saw potential in disconcerting environments. I knew I would need some of those same qualities as life was hurdling me toward the future.
My mind wanted the tangible proof that I was loved and cared for.  The feelings were intense.
My life had already been committed to the Lord but was I willing to relinquish my right to marriage?
I fought the urge to dream on and indulge in self-pity, reluctantly relinquishing my rights.
                      (Scripture verses found in my daily readings that I found comfort in.)

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you." -- Isaiah 26:3

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” -- John 16:33

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." -- Matthew 11:28

"But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” -- Matthew 19:26

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." -- Proverbs 3:5-6

"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." -- 2 Corinthians 4:17

Copied into my journal, entry Jan.25,1972 , I took notice of one of my favorite poets, Annie Johnson Flint:

“I believe God”

I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me (Acts 27:35)

“I believe” – but, do I? Am I sure

Can I trust my trusting to endure?

Can I hope that my belief will last?

Will my hand forever hold Him fast?

Am I certain I am saved from sin?

Do I feel His presence here within?

Do I hear Him tell me that He cares?

Do I see the answers to my prayers?

Do no fears my confidence assail?

Do I know my faith will never fail?

“I believe” – ay, I do, I believe

He will  never fail me, never leave

I believe He holds me, and I know

His strong hand will never let me go;

Seeing, hearing, feeling – what are these?

Given or withheld as He shall please.

I believe in Him and what He saith;

I have faith in Him, not in my faith

That may fail, tomorrow or today;

Trust may weaken, feeling pass away,

Thoughts grow weary, anxious or depressed;

I believe in God – and here I rest.

Annie Johnson Flint
FORGING ON 
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