My MIDDLE Little

DEAR MIDDLE DAUGHTER,
Not the oldest.  Not the youngest.
I will have to admit that often you went unappreciated.

A New Sister

All Things Yellow

As a middle daughter, I am aware that you received the short end of the stick, however, you were amazingly resilient.

You were strong and grounded and still are.  You got along with all sorts of people and made friends from all walks of life.

You constantly amazed me with the ability to constantly deal with older siblings who were at times being jerks and a younger one who was sometimes a pain.
You learned easily how to handle situations.  You were the child with pizzaz.  You worked hard to get to get things.

You were just another wanted, another girl, an ultimate gift.
Don’t ever worry for an instant that I did not love you.
You were the beginning of a personality that was totally different than your sisters, completely unique, a daughter to love and cherish.
There was so much about you to love and cherish.  You were different and new besides the fact that you slept away that first month as if to gain momentum for the days to come. 

In the beginning, I nursed you with the same intensity and focus I did with your siblings but you had other plans and weaned yourself early and took to the bottle.
Days tired me out more than before I had you, triple the stress and half the sleep but even on the weariest days, I loved you very much. I was never a perfect mom, despite my efforts but I will always love you.
Nine months before your birth went by like a whirlwind and then the earth-shattering moment you were placed by the mid-wife on my chest.

The excitement and anticipation of the gender reveal was replaced with you, another daughter.  With you, you obliged by arriving a week early so as not to interfere with Halloween.

Before you, I had suffered through the loss of three pregnancies.  Had I not suffered those losses, you would not be here.

  You would have been number six instead of three.
You followed the  ‘perfect first born” and the “strong willed second child”.  You had your squad of cheer leaders and was the life of the party.  Your sunny disposition attracted everyone who crossed your pathway.
The thought that I might not have had you, had I followed the mid-wife’s advice, to stop at two was unthinkable.
You, were the one stuck in the middle seat, extremely independent and the most joyful “little” to be around,
even though you were not coddled and cuddled as much.  The horror on my face, as I looked in the rear view mirror to find you standing in your car seat as we traveled down the freeway with a defient, non compliant attitude forcing us to take the next exit to deal with the situation.  

You got everything a lot earlier than your siblings.  You got your first job along side me in the nursery
Every minute I spend with you is joy.  You in part, helped to heal the losses.

  I am writing this because I want to thank you.  I have been privileged  to walk with you on part of your life journey that has been beautiful, exciting, and challenging.  It was difficult keeping up with your milestones in written form so this will have to suffice.
In spite of annoying everyone with your singing along with all the Disney movies, you had an amazing memory.  Your bed time chatter kept your siblings awake and constant bevy of activity.
Projects made you happy.  “Accidental cuts” in your tights on Sunday during craft time remained a mystery for a time.

Your unique laughter, the sparkle in your eyes and the happiness you radiate are a testimony to your joyful energy and love for God.

You continue to feel your best when interacting with people and life continues to be rich and fulfilling as you share your children with others.
So my darling, Hannah Joy, may the future draw you closer to God as you serve your little family and seek for the things of God.
Love,
Mom

DEAR DAUGHTER

Dear Daughter,
I am finding the need to say some things to you, my, oldest daughter.

You were the one from whom we learned the most and the one upon whom we tried the most.
 You were the one who became my second pair of hands, the “other mommy,” and even my substitute teacher from time to time.
I will never forget the moment leading up to your arrival.  When I saw you for the first time, I was so filled with overwhelming gratitude, the culmination of a five year wait.  I was 30, and we had waited so long.

1980

  We never made it to the polls that voting day in 1980.
Terrifying? Yes, but it was worth all the madness and magical moment of making me a mother.
The moment you were born, time appeared to stand still.  I just wanted to stare and study each of your features.  You were the epidome of perfection, our little Angel Baby as Annie in the church nursery later referred to you.
It had been a wonderful difficult moment.

June 1980

  Being placed on my chest for the first time was a surreal yet at the moment a weight of responsibility and the absurd thought that I had been so naive to have had a home birth as you were not in a favorable position going through the port.

Going through the agonizing unexpected pain for hours, I thought, I was going to die had it not for the encouragement of the midwife.  Yes, painfully natural. I watched the chiroprator/midwife unfold you and give you a gentle spine adjustment.
A month later we took you to a Dodger game on the fourth of July.  The fire works did not phase you as you gazed up into the sky as you did your first day of life.

Yes, Dear One,
I am sorry for all the mistakes I made along the way.

~ I am sorry that I expected you to be mature beyond your years and asked you to help all the time with the little babies that came along.
~ I am sorry that your academic education was lacking, although I knew you were very intelligent and could accomplish so much. I was too busy having another baby, nursing, and teaching phonics to consider what would be best for you.
~ I am sorry that at times my discipline was too harsh–not so much physically but verbally–as I demanded adult-like behavior from you during your childhood years.

~I am sorry for allowing you to go hungry to bed that one night when you were begging for a snack and you were satisfied with just a slice of bread and some water because you did not eat much for dinner.
~ I am thankful that you own your own faith.

~ I am thankful that God’s Word became precious to you and that you learned its ways and its truths.
~ I am thankful that your were more than the oldest child in our family, ruling over the rest of the children. You loved them and shared with them and gave your life to them and they loved you!  You put up with a brother that was active beyond years.

~ I am thankful that you found the ability to  develop good plans for your own life, including your marriage and your own children.
~ I am thankful that you chose to live your life to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.
~ I am thankful that you were more than an experiment for your father and me.

You were our blessed firstborn, our joy, our beloved one.
Thank you for being our precious daughter who knows Christ in spite of our errors and misjudgments. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of being your mother.  Thank you for the precious memories I have today because you were part of my life.
"It gives me great joy to find my children walking in the truth..." 
3 John 1:4

–Love Mom

Your Mama

P.S. For those of you parents who may be reading this, please consider whether there is something you should say to your kids before it may be too late. One way or another, death will separate you for a time…if not for eternity.
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