#3 DEAR MR. SCOOOOOF: 43 Yrs.!

“Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord?"  ~Exodus 4:11 

 Reinhold Niebuhr’s prayer,

"God grant me the serenity (faith, love and wisdom)
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference."

"Marriage is vulnerable because it is an intimate union between two sinners."  ~Jennifer Smith, author
 

My Dear Mr. Scooooof;

Last time I checked, you WERE still my husband.   I am no longer the wife of your youth but still the wife of your not-so-youth.
  I am still the mother of your children and the grandmother of your grandchildren.
The passing of another year together is approaching.  We will be entering into another one, together.  What an accumulation of irreplaceable time. It will be a reminder of our commitment

I have had a front row seat in your life.  I at times reluctantly rejoice in what God has given you, me.

Yep, the simple fact we are two very distinct individuals expressing life and love in a language neither of us has mastered, yet.
A deep appreciation often escapes me.  My list of changes, ever changes.  These changes reminds me of all the hats you have worn throughout the years.  You carried a lot.  We frequently test the limits of our love.
Mental and emotional stamina have escaped us at times as well as living in an understanding way.  I still have a lot of growing to do.  My quest for survival has revealed how selfish I have been.
I am much more worse at times.  I have not always been a kind wife, a steadfast wife, or a very compassionate friend.

We will never win "Couple of The Year."  The "happy couple" is an illusion anyway. At least for us. Being married is a worthy adventure.  I refuse to compare ourselves to others.  Ours is unique, special and weird.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR

Perhaps you remember the first lines to one of Charles Dickens famous books, The Tale of Two cities.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only." 

Was I blessed because I was suitably built for it?  My feelings remain a mystery to you not because I have not shared them but because you are hard wired in a unique way.
I fight the urge of wandering thoughts, imagining what I have missed while watching other seemingly happy couples.
Social media can be very deceiving.
It's difficult, I can get in the flesh quickly thinking that forgetful, distracted, thoughtless, disorganized, zoned out, is selfish.

I'm sorry for doing such a poor job of caring and throwing so many careless words at you.
Well, regardless, one thing is sure.  You're mine, you love me, we support each other in our own hard wired way.

"She's Mine!"

  Forgive me for trying to "fix" you.  You are not broken, God made you.  I totally get it now, the tendency to understand me will be illusive.
Gratitude sets my perspective.
I may never be who I really want and desire you to be but our identity does not change who we are in Christ.  Sanctification is a process. It never ends.
I am blessed by stealing glances of an open Bible in your hands in the early morning.

Forgive me for not rejoicing in your passions.  Forgive me for the harsh words when followed into the kitchen to prepare a meal, asking questions provokes great frustration.
There are many days I feel weary and inadequate for the job as your wife.
I appreciate all the precious milestones and cannot imagine life without you.

  After years of living without making sense of some things comes the "Aha" moments, more clarity.
It's going to be okay.
  I better get sturdier sneakers, tighten my belt, and sharpen my sword skills.  (Ephesians 6:10-18)
Sincerely,
Mrs. Scooooof

PSALM 139:

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.