“Often it takes something major to wake us up
as we struggle to maintain an illusion of control.” ~author unknown
What strikes me about care giving is how I strive to maintain control, keeping the illusion that my day is under control and to those outside my immediate realm of daily activities it may appear to be so.
Still, day after day I trudge along repeating myself in more ways than one, until emotional energy is drained and exhaustion sets in for lack of sleep
Just this morning, as I was experimenting with my new photo editing app., I found the option for illusions and got to thinking how to others our lives may appear to be an illusion. And lest you get the illusion that I spend most of my time on the computer, I'll leave it to your imagination or assumptions. I call it a form of respite.
Our fb timelines are full of photos and quotes to give us the misconceptions that everything is hunky dorie in everyone's life until a call for prayer, an untimely death or major event happens bursting our control button.
The following is an illusion to my authorship as I would have liked to create the illusion that I was the author. In reality it is not I but a fellow care giver who will remain anonymous but so
words it as I might have.
"The impression of my life I like to project is something like this:
I daily awaken with a song in my heart, smile on my face and the energy of a speeding bullet, throw on my cape and jump into action heading out into the world to see who I can save. Or my alternate-ego of humble servant, just shy of Mother Teresa sacrificing myself for the well-being of those around me.
The reality looks more like this:
I wake up exhausted and VERY crabby, (my husband can verify this, he doesn’t speak to me in the morning in fear for his life). I usually only sleep for a few hours of sleep, because of my constant mind-chatter. I check my calendar and pray that I didn’t forget to put in an appointment or accidentally double book myself. I create an overloaded to-do list that includes roll-over items from the days/weeks before. I attempt to answer messages left on one of 2 phones or emailed to all 5 of my emails, then race out the door hoping not to be late."
As I re-read this to edit: Oh how much we need to ask God for strength-grace-mercy moment to moment.
Our fb timelines are full of photos and quotes to give us the misconceptions that everything is hunky dorie in everyone's life until a call for prayer, an untimely death or major event happens bursting our control button.
The following is an illusion to my authorship as I would have liked to create the illusion that I was the author. In reality it is not I but a fellow care giver who will remain anonymous but so
"The impression of my life I like to project is something like this:
I daily awaken with a song in my heart, smile on my face and the energy of a speeding bullet, throw on my cape and jump into action heading out into the world to see who I can save. Or my alternate-ego of humble servant, just shy of Mother Teresa sacrificing myself for the well-being of those around me.
The reality looks more like this:
I wake up exhausted and VERY crabby, (my husband can verify this, he doesn’t speak to me in the morning in fear for his life). I usually only sleep for a few hours of sleep, because of my constant mind-chatter. I check my calendar and pray that I didn’t forget to put in an appointment or accidentally double book myself. I create an overloaded to-do list that includes roll-over items from the days/weeks before. I attempt to answer messages left on one of 2 phones or emailed to all 5 of my emails, then race out the door hoping not to be late."
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| Can you picture the Lord leaning over the balcony of Heaven to answer my cry? |
As I re-read this to edit: Oh how much we need to ask God for strength-grace-mercy moment to moment.
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