Tuesday, April 17, 2018

SUNDAY MORNING

I'm here:
One after another a car pulls into a slot.  The blue sky above is dotted with wisps of clouds as I enjoy a quiet interlude before the services begin.

It looks like it will be another promising day with eager folks anticipating another Sunday morning.
The parking lot appears to be filling up faster than usual as I sit here in my car contemplating and expecting some encouragement.
A man strolls by with a chair pad tucked under his arm and a Bible in another.
As the spaces fill, I can not help but notice how many Taxi's are entering and exiting, around eight, perhaps in the absence of either to notice or not seeing the Access transportation.  The Special Ministry vans await to pick up our LO's, backed into spaces for easy departure for the later service.
LO's waiting for 2nd service

A young mother unfolds a stroller, places a baby in the upper carrier and a young toddler in the lower part.  She checks.  She pauses at the door, rummages around and finally makes her departure.
Meanwhile, someone opens the trunk of their car revealing the snack and donuts, their contribution, to making the morning more enjoyable for someone.
A few minutes later, I leave the quiet of the car to join the rest of the gang, purposely walking by the coffee shop to get a sniff of the coffee.
I join a few in the foyer to await the beginning of the service which is a whole new experience.
I can't help but notice all the young people.  A few friends drop by to chat with me.
Then the unusual began to unfold.  A man made a grand entrance with a dog, by all appearances, an Alaskan malamute, he had found roaming.  He had him by the collar.  Everyone stopped in their tracks with surprise and astonishment, everyone looking at each other with a "What in the heck is going on?" expression.  He was obviously not a seeing eye assistant.
  He was temporarily corralled in the receptionist cubicle until someone from facilities retrieved him to properly take care of the situation.
Sunday has come and gone but the residual remains.  I love my church.


 

Friday, April 13, 2018

SHATTERED DREAMS

“I didn’t want a story—a beginning. Not anymore. I have long ago stopped walking on a road where my dreams walk around. I change my destination a hundred times if I ever see an old wish of mine standing there in its real form. I don’t know them. I don’t want to. They too must not know me. They too must not recognize me as their owner.” ~Khadija Rupa, Unexpressed Feelings


The future was suppose to be different.  Yet there I am, pausing, staring up at the skies in my garden of reveries.
  I wrestle with my feelings. I had no thoughts that the promised dreams would tarry here.
 No one can hear my silent screams as I survey the graveyard left by those shattered dreams, the projects left to another day, the projects left in hopes of completion that never came and never will, the relationships that never materialized. Most of them have said their last goodbyes, evidence of rust, decay, and rejection.

 The blight these bring, where joy and contentment should have been the aim, have no voice but it is far to late to see many of them for their intended purposes or completion.

Understanding people is perhaps one of the hardest things in life.  We are each living in our own personal garden of dreams. 
  Marriage begins with high hopes and expectations and then disappointments.
  I wrestle with my own feelings.  Those unexpressed feelings that are meant to torment.
I give a heavy sigh as I press onward relishing the thought that God's promises and word are not broken dreams.



Monday, April 9, 2018

IF I COULD TIME TRAVEL

Great Grandmother, Emily Elizabeth
If I could time travel, would it be better to visit the past or the future?

 If I could only choose one, I probably would pick the past. 
I would be very interested in visiting the lives of great Christians and experience some of the things that happened back then.
  I would not go back in time with the expectation of changing it but to glimpse how and why they lived their lives the way they did and glean from their spiritual lives so as to improve my present time.
Grandpa Wedgwood


The future will eventually come so why take away the surprise.  What’s the point in knowing what happens to my old me. The future will come whether I want it or not. Knowing the future and then traveling back to the present may present some problems for me.
The past for me sounds more exciting and interesting. I would like to go back and witness the lives of my past generations and events that led them to live godly lives.  Traveling back to the present would allow me to glean from those lives. 
Great Grandma with Grandma Helen

I find myself often wondering about the past but not any of the “what ifs”.  I am pretty content with the way God has orchestrated my life.
Traveling in to the future would no doubt challenge my cognitive abilities and would be overwhelming.
The past is a collection of events that have happened, while the future is unpredictable and not fixed.
Grandpa & Grandma Wedgwood,my mother

Perhaps age is what determines if it is better to time travel to the past or to the future.



“Once our present passes into the past, we no longer have the ability to change it.”
An amusing concept is that if it were possible to travel back in time, we’d probably have visitors from the future.  What would they be gleaning from our lives?
“We can only redeem today and plan to redeem tomorrow, for yesterday is gone!”



“Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:16)


Psalm 90:10,12 provides the following instruction: “The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labor and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away. So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom”


Thursday, March 29, 2018

CHEERIOS FOR DINNER

I'm having Cheerios for dinner.  What are you having?
Can't keep the lid on any longer.

  I have been cooking for 43 years.  I have been using the same Farberware stainless Steel pots and pans for those 43 years, eating off the same meal ware, vintage Old Town Blue Corelle dinner ware,
  using the same Supreme floral cutlery from Japan for the same.
 I need a good kick in the derriere.  43 years is a long time!
Cooking is my least favorite household task.  Every time someone posts a recipe or some yummy snack, I want to scream.
The thought of the amount of time to get food on the table, trying to blend together flavor with nutritional needs with time constraints drains my energy just at the thought.
 I used to cook and plan meals for the family but since my father passed away, I have had no interest in cooking.  (I did bake a loaf of banana bread yesterday.)

Farberware stainless Steel pots and pans
 There are so many other things I'd rather be doing. Grocery shopping is another part of the equation.  Growing up, Dad  did all the food shopping which included walking down the mountain on market day or monthly staples on trips into Mexico City or Puebla.  He always took one of us kids to help carry up the baskets full or to guard the car while in the city.  My mother was good at organizing the lists.
 Although, I do not hate it, I find it burdensome trying to figure out what to purchase and make for dinner EVERY night.
Dad at the market

I am not thrilled with much in my fridge.  My inspiration is at an all time low.  I am always looking for low preparation things.

My problem isn’t cooking, really, but having to think: find the inspiration, the recipe, shop, and focusing on what I am doing. I do enjoy going out to eat, however, restaurant food is not all that stimulating either.
My problem is , I want to spend more time outside of my kitchen. I’m tired of cooking.
I'm looking for healthy ways to eat without having to prepare each and every meal from scratch.
My problem is shifting into the mode of self care and preparing meals for only two.
Pot Head
Sometimes I just don't know what is going on.  I have been cooking for my husband and family for 43 years.  I have cook books and recipes.  So that is no excuse.
If I had the luxury of winning the lottery it would include a personal chef.   If someone else made the plans and decisions for meals, I would be on cloud nine.
So it's Cheerios for dinner tonight.  Well maybe...

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

RE-CALIBRATING EXPECTATIONS & ACCEPTANCE

  I am comparing current experiences to those of the past and re-calibrating expectations accordingly.   Re-calibrating expectations  has ultimately led to acceptance and with acceptance has comes peace.  As a fan and author friend of  Elisabeth Elliot, I was encouraged by the following quote that grabbed my attention:

 " ...She handled dementia just as she did the deaths of her husbands. “She accepted those things, [knowing] they were no surprise to God,” Gren her husband and care giver said. “It was something she would rather not have experienced, but she received it.”

 

My years at Multnomah University were a trial run for the greater challenges that were to come. Dark Days 

They turned out to be one of the loneliest times in my life.

I had it all pictured in my head—how I wanted things to turn out.  I'd graduate from college, find my mate there, have five children, and life would deal me an abundance of great pleasant adventures. 

Accepting the fact that I may never have children after five years of marriage,  death of three failed pregnancies, and death of my only son years later were not on my agenda but God chose those incidents to work in my life. 


The disappointment I felt dealt a hard blow when those things I was anticipating did not occur. 

I grieved the future I thought I would have.

 

 
“…as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:20-21)

 

Joe Stowell spoke about expectations. He said there is only one expectation we can control in our life and that is to have an eager expectation to magnify Christ wherever we are.
 Other expectations will only lead to disappointment.

"God, prepare us for what you have prepared for us." ~Marj Saint   Letting Go

 

1972

It is an unrealistic expectation to believe we can go through life without trials.
Prayer Chapel at MU

  I once heard someone say that "Adversity is God's university."

1971
  Don't think you can eliminate hardship from your life. Heaven's Gain

It has taken me years to arrive at a state of acceptance.  Loses have forced me to re-calibrate my expectations.


God gradually deepened my faith. I experienced His faithfulness in a way I never had before.

 

My loses are not over.  My body has other plans.

 Ps.16:9 "Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure."


  I see wrinkles, have twinges in the joints, and moving slower, both mentally and physically.
Prayer Chapel in the evening hours.

 "As it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death." ~Phil.1:20
 

  Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the LORD our God, until that he have mercy upon us.
Ps. 123:2 

 


"What a calling to be a handmaiden! Little things, little errands, relatively unimportant things that the mistress could easily do for herself if she desired to. “Lord, I’m your handmaid. You don’t have to have me.” But God has handmaids, and Mary was one of them."

So there’s a  little rebel in me that relishes the opportunity to preside over expectations assuming  such a radically alternative event would give peace.

Based on limited knowledge or experience, I indulge in drawing expectations and the tendency to count on expectations which make acceptance difficult to embrace when not fulfilled.

“Restlessness and impatience change nothing except our peace and joy. Peace does not dwell in outward things, but in the heart prepared to wait trustfully and quietly on Him who has all things safely in His hands.” ~E.E.



A Poem by Amy Carmichael
 
In Acceptance Lieth Peace

He said, ‘I will forget the dying faces;
The empty places,
They shall be filled again.
O voices moaning deep within me, cease.’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in forgetting lieth peace.


He said, ‘I will crowd action upon action,
The strife of faction
Shall stir me and sustain;
O tears that drown the fire of manhood cease.’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in endeavour lieth peace.


He said, ‘I will withdraw me and be quiet,
Why meddle in life’s riot?
Shut be my door to pain.
Desire, thou dost befool me, thou shalt cease.’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in aloofness lieth peace.


He said, ‘I will submit; I am defeated.
God hath depleted
My life of its rich gain.
O futile murmurings, why will ye not cease?’
But vain the word; vain, vain:
Not in submission lieth peace.


He said, ‘I will accept the breaking sorrow
Which God tomorrow
Will to His son explain.’
Then did the turmoil deep within me cease.
Not vain the word, not vain;
For in Acceptance lieth peace.


Saturday, March 3, 2018

THE BROKEN GOBLET

"Marriage is perhaps the first opportunity really to know ourselves, our weaknesses
and our capacities."  ~E.E.


 Now 40 plus years later, I am bemused by the mythical man I envisioned God would send me.  I would have thrown out my list and concentrated more on praying that God would change both of us to be more like Jesus.
The daily business of loving and living with someone who is part of me but not, someone who isn't like me but  discovering how different I am.
Someone once said "We're none of us prize packages--just look for the essentials..." 

My everyday spaces were invaded by that marvelous man who wooed me when I had no clue of what was to hit me in the years ahead. He has sat next to me for 40 plus years.
I stand by that man who gets a traffic ticket on the 5 freeway for going to slow because he was watching the Good Year Blimp float over head.
I marvel at the fact that he skidded on his motorcycle at 40 to 50 miles per hour on the Hollywood freeway during morning rush hour and lived to survive.
I am constantly reminded that my Man is
fallible and sinful, and so am I.


It takes
a great deal of the grace of God for us to manage to live together, year in and year
out.

There is no normal marriage and how do we know what is normal anyway.  "Love always hopes" from the Cor.13. 
  My marriage is forged on hope, faith, and grace that could only come from One far greater than us.
My man and I have hope, 
 we have weathered storms, been challenged by crisis, "tempered by love, sealed by God above,"

Even when the better in "for better or worse" seems so far away. 
 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:8,9)."

A love/and not so in love relationship with anything that requires consistency can at times become very challenging.
 I’m just thankful for maturity that reminds me I need to do things I don't want to do. I need grace to live up to my vows with my husband.
I am often reminded of a symbol of our resiliency during our early years of "marital bliss".

 The story behind drinking wine is the intent of the winemaker to embibe in a stylish wine glass.  I am led to believe that we received someones "white elephant"  re gift as we unwrapped our wedding gifts and found two perfectly matched wine glasses when neither of us had ever drank or given wine a second thought.
  As with great stories, a stylish glass may have reflected our personal story.  It began with a salad, not wine.
  We carefully unwrapped that pair of stemmed wine goblets, designed to make an  inherently delightful activity even better.
As we gently place them on a newly thick carpeted floor one toppled over and broke, leaving only one that I recently rediscovered on a top shelf. 
That set of exquisite wine goblets became just one in an instant of broken things, a picture of grace for the future  broken worldly baggage.
Just the basics.
  That one goblet sits on the shelf of my china cabinet and is an incident my husband and I refer to periodically, the day that the other goblet broke.  

  


 

Thursday, March 1, 2018

MARITAL BLISS & BLUNDERS

Now that care giving is over, I am giving myself permission to step back into my own life.
To Union Station, Driver!
In 1975, we had taken the Pacific Surf Liner down to Ocean Side from Union Station.
  We then picked up my husbands
V8 Rebel Rambler that he had stashed in Vista.  You know one of those cars with a bench front seat where you could cozy up to your man while driving.


The fact that we took so few photos of ourselves on our honeymoon amuses me. 
San Diego Wild Animal Park until 2010,  1,800 acre zoo in the San Pasqual Valley area of San Diego, California, near Escondido.
Apparently we were so enthralled by the performance of the elephants at the wild animal park we were visiting, we took more photos of them and other animals than of us.

Marital bliss is over rated.  We were either in a state of perfect happiness, shock or oblivious to each other and so enthralled by the animal antics than each other.
JUST MARRIED
  Smartphones and social media were not available to capture and record our experiences easily.  We enjoyed Sea World but sadly no photos to prove we were there.
Franciscan Inn Motel, Vista,CA.

   My very first visit to Disneyland, and only memories exist, in the fascination of it all, we did not take any photos here either but you might have thought that our whole honeymoon was comprised in one day, as I wore the same dress day after day, having forgotten to pack an extra set of clothes.
  Parking was $2. 00 and spending the night at the Disney Hotel did not break the bank.  The value book gave us choices to which attractions we wanted to visit.  It gave our friends options to donate the unused tickets to our advantage on our shoe string budget.

"A" attractions were the smallest or least popular, "B" attractions were more popular and/or more advanced, and "C" attractions were the most popular and/or most advanced.  (I have not been back to Disneyland since around 1986)
I was most fascinated by Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln, given my interest in history.
It was during this time, we fell in love with Denny's.  Our propensity to deal with dead car batteries began in the parking lot of Denny's near Disneyland as also my new husband's fascination toward extending the life of a battery began which later morphed into running out of gas more often than I dare mention because of a faulty or no working gas gauge until we purchased our Hyundai in 2006.
Room at the Franciscan Inn

So now 40 plus years later, we are a bit more seasoned, a bit more experienced, a bit more knowledgeable, and a bit more forgetful of how the Lord has brought us through, but the fact that he did, has, and will continue to follow through on his promises.  We are a bit more into the photo thing now than in those earlier years.

The overnight vanity case changed my whole perspective on packing.  I did survive.  We cut our honeymoon short when I broke out in some nasty hives in unmentionable places. 
Marital bliss and the perfect honeymoon do not exist.  Marital blunders still occur.





.


Sunday, February 18, 2018

NIGHTMARES IN THE TWILIGHT ZONE #2



When Mission Impossible, MacGyver, and Don Quixote collide, you know you are in the Twilight Zone.
At its core it could be considered a commentary on how care givers cope with the unknown and unpredictable.

How care givers venture into another dimension, inexplicably transported back in time yet being pursued by the present. I think everyone experiences a twilight zone at some point in their lives, however, in care giving it appears to be magnified, each episode presents itself in drama in which the characters, the loved ones, the care givers, and others find themselves dealing with challenging, disturbing or unusual events and experiences as described as entering "the Twilight Zone, featuring a surprising end.
Even in the daily humdrum existence, disturbing flights of fancy and nightmarish drama of sun downing with its anxieties, plot twists threaten to send us into another dimension.
"You're traveling through another dimension, dimension not only of sight and sound but mind; a journey into a wonderful land whose boundaries are that of imagination.  That's the sign post ahead--your next stop, The Twilight Zone."

"Walking Distance" is episode five of the anthology series.  It originally aired on October 30, 1959, listed as the ninth best episode in history of The Twilight Zone.
Somewhere up the road looking for sanity our loved one just wants to go home.

“‘Walking Distance’ is maybe the show’s best episode. It’s about a businessman. He’s almost 40,  he hates his life. He’s miserable.
 The stress of work is just getting him down. His car breaks down in the middle-of-nowhere countryside. He goes to the gas station to get his car fixed and he realizes that he grew up very close to where they are. It’s walking distance.
“So he says, ‘I’m just going to take a walk back to the town I grew up in.’
 He gets there and he soon realizes he’s walked back not just to where he grew up, but when he grew up. He’s back in the time when he was a kid.
 And it’s just this beautiful story of a guy who, as an adult, wants to go back to his young self, and tell himself to be aware of what it is to be alive, to be young, and to enjoy that. And of course, you can never go back and tell yourself that."

 It’s a beautiful demonstration of a loved one who finds themselves back in their past, as experienced in The Care Givers Twilight Zone.  This being one of the sweeter episodes.
I have always been fascinated by these fantasies and confabulations as they reveal glimpses of past dimentions and glimpses of what is not there.



Mission Impossible by its names implies that care giving can sometimes be impossible and a team is chosen with care.  Sifting through applicants or agencies is no small task.
 According to the director, the goal of the script was to "constantly surprise the audience."  We see the miracle work  these characters can pull off in solving those constant surprises.  The illusion being spy programs are nothing like real life.

"The term "MacGyver" has now become part of the colloquial American English lexicon. When one "MacGyvers" a solution to a problem, one finds a simple yet elegant solution to something using existing resources."
Care givers are known for there ability to solve a range of problems.
Murphy's law says when you put it back on the shelf then you will need it again so why bother. The first aid bin expands.
  The persistence and improvisational nature helps to thwart or deal with challenges. 


Don Quixote,

does not see the world for what it is and prefers to imagine that he is living out a knightly story. 

"Do you see over yonder, friend Sancho, thirty or forty hulking giants? I intend to do battle with them and slay them."

"What giants?" asked Sancho Panza.

"Those you see over there," replied his master, "with their long arms. Some of them have arms well nigh two leagues in length."

"Take care, sir," cried Sancho. "Those over there are not giants but windmills. Those things that seem to be their arms are sails which, when they are whirled around by the wind, turn the millstone."
Don Quixote & Sancho Panza


"Finally finding a place to rest for the night, Sancho falls into deep sleep while Don Quixote remains wakeful, meditating until dawn on his mistress Dulcinea del Toboso, in imitation of what he has read in books of chivalry. Another adventure presents itself the next morning."

 "With many adventures, Don Quixote is launched on his career of faith as a knight-errant. Sancho is likewise launched, for if he can withstand the adventure of the windmills and still remain attached to his madman master, he can be loyal throughout even more extravagant adventures."

It really is a fascinating book, perhaps worthy of a second read for the humor.

However, all that put aside, caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's or a related dementia can be challenging and, at times overwhelming.  Care giving dimensions can propel us into what is tantamount to a twilight like zone, facing seemingly mission impossibilities , challenging difficulties that require MacGyvers solutions with loved ones like Don Quixote who don't see the world for what it is and their loyal care giver through out the adventures.
If you are a care giver you get it but let me attempt to explain.
My internal clock awakens, My eyes pop open, I attempt to orient myself.  Is it Tuesday or Wednesday.  I glance at the clock, It’s 6am, I stagger to the kitchen to turn on the coffee.
 The loud,
noisy TV disturbs the silence, I so relish,  the first nerve of the day shot.
So we have had breakfast, now what?
Then there’s the changes that often leave me scratching my head.

Increasing decline and dependence,
noticing small changes in behavior – struggling to make sense of often irrational thoughts and requests.
Get out more they say but do they
 not understand that it takes more time “briefing” them on your loved ones needs and preferences than actually going somewhere. 
It simply takes longer to do anything. Taking your loved one out is always a project.
Awkward moments when out in public with your loved one, you are being observed by others who have no clue how difficult it can be just to get there.

It’s amazing how different one night is to another. 
You decide to do the shift thing. Well that shifting only lasts half an hour.
 One night after a failed attempt to the elusive sleep, one last glance in the monitor sent me into the fifth unbelievable dimension.
 I saw a man fighting with his T-shirt that had covered his head, with one arm out and much flailing going on and a head that was trying to stay on a pillow at 11:30pm.
 I pulled my already tired body out of bed after seeing how long this little twilight episode would last, throwing the shifting plans aside, I pulled my self up by the strength straps and proceeded to put a stop to this little Don Quixote episode.
 
I firmly tucked in the covers, well under the mattress, very tightly, like a burrito and turned the A/C on, hoping it would deter him, or at least slow him down, til morning.
 I drug myself back to bed, exhausted, til 3am.  Never thought that snoring would be music to my ears.
Five falls in 7 days and my MacGyver first aid expanded.  My attempts at creating a safer environment failed.  It is near an impossible mission to keep a senior 100% safe.
We had many a rough night!
 
Somewhere between Alaska State Troopers at 3am, I fell into an exhausted sleep until 7:30, awoken by my co-helper "He's On the move!"
 I desperately wanted to snuggle closer under the blankets and hide my head under the pillow. I reluctantly drug myself out of bed.
 My joy was gone! I desperately searched for it.
Not finding it, my mood was that of a hornet disturbed from the nest.
After dealing with this episode,
I proceeded to my bedroom and indulged in a melt down.

 Around here 5 o'clock began the bewitching hour known as Sun Downing. until bed time. 

Do you all remember when your kids were little and you gave that sigh of relief when all were in bed and asleep so you could have some time me time and were glad when that season was over?
 
Well, you grit your teeth and hold in your frustration as your loved one wants his sleeping pills at 5pm and you try to explain and re direct but it aint working.

 The "I do it myself" reappears. You turn on all the lights and the magic fairy comes along behind turning them all off.
 While your out, the draw sheet transforms into a top sheet, bandages begin appearing in odd places as the white sheets begin to look like an artists canvas and the battle of the sheets vs. the blankets appear over the horizon at 6pm  my favorite part of the day "twilight" has disintegrated into a reality drama.
 
An unclad figure staggers, with an I can do it determination, spiraling steps send him across the room only to recover in the nick of time, landing on the commode across the room. ...and bed time is not here yet. 
(I am not making this up.)
 You let him stew in his Quixote fights with the blankets, hoping that all this activity will tire him out so that he will sleep the rest of the night.
Strange things continued to happen   during the bewitching hour.
Emerging from my bedroom one morning, I did a room check,  my loved one was calmly laying in bed, although awake.
 I wondered had I misinterpreted the "He's On the Move" call.
  I found him all huddled up. The queen size, pink floral sheet, I had grabbed in half sleep as a draw sheet was around his neck and shoulders. The pad, the sheets, the blankets appeared to have been in some sort of Quixote battle.
He greeted me with a big smile. He asked "where did all this came from?", referring to the hospital bed and table.
He asked who was paying for all this.
I then said," I'm going to go get your breakfast."
"From the dining room?" he asked.
"What is this place called?" he asked. He is having difficulty remembering that this is my house.
"Who was that lady that came yesterday"? he asked "She was so nice. She is a good Christian lady." referring to Laurie's visit.

  Just as in that episode Walking Distance We ended up in 1920's one day after a nap.
 He turned to me with a big smile as he was looking around the room, asked if they had shown me the upstairs rooms yet. He asked if his aunt had bought the house with the fruit orchards across the road.
 
He pointed across the room and said, "Look there is the closet that is filled with Christmas gifts that we are not suppose to know about. And there is the small room, the size of my bed that my father has his study where he keeps his papers. Have you been around the back porch yet to see ..." I guess this is what you call getting into your loved ones world.
 
 Night doth come to soon and two major activities doth visit our nights, "Please Lord, could we just have one night where dis robing does not compete with sleep? Could we have one night without the chucks sneaking out from under their protective purpose?"
In a dazed zombie sort of way.


You pull yourself out of bed in that dazed, zombie sort of way as you're  alerted that there is some activity going on in the next room.

You untangle you're loved ones arms and legs that dangle through the bars of the hospital bed as you grab and struggle finding the tabs on the night wear.
 
A planned 2:30 am room check and change just aborted. Now what? You're loved one is back to fast asleep with some assurance that all is well, at least for now and I am left wide awake wondering what next.

One guarantee in care giving, no two days are alike, and you just change your mantra to "Oh, Well, Que Sea Sera" What ever will be, will be.
Lo Que Sea Sera

I heard a faint, far away voice beckoning me at 4am. It was difficult determining whether it was coming from a dream I was deeply traveling through or the Beck and Call of the real world in the next room. 
Determining erroneously, I was still caught in my dream, I chose to ignore and slumbered on.
 One of those calls you regret making.
 Upon heeding a second Beck & Call, at 7am, I found the night wear tossed carelessly over board on the floor, mostly dry, leaving the bed pads soaked & soiled.
 One sock, those ones that take a struggle to get on and off was hiding deep under the covers while the other one remained on one foot. 
Tonight do I put the night wear on backward and have the tabs in the back or grab the Duck Tape?
That commode ain't going nowhere, we using zip ties tonight.

Sometimes I wonder who's mind is scrambled when you forget to put some water in the commode before use.  If it sticketh, it maketh extra work. 
...And the eve/night was NOT over!

Does Sun Downer just barge in any ole time? Or is it called something else when 1:15am and 3:45am comes along?
 Do meds. collaborate with Loved Ones and come to the conclusion that they will not co-operate during certain hours to test the fortitude, sanity,and servanthood of those attempting to give care?

Found! THAT micro sized pill that  supposedly was given at 1:15am.  The Bath Lady found it stuck to his shirt. No wonder we had an event full night. 

A care giving oxymoron: You get up tired but rested, rested but still tired.

You are sun downing when you are looking for the key to undo the bed rails down and asking to go home. 
Well, what I had to deal with "it in the morning" was nothing compared to what I faced at 6am when morning did come one day.

Sparing the details, Mt. Vesuvius erupted. Needless to say, I spent the next hour taking care of ALL the details of that incident before a cup of coffee or any breakfast.
 And of course the rail incident of the night before all forgotten.  I am talking to myself of course. "Lord, and you are in THIS mess with me and helping me to do this awful clean-up to your glory." "And Joyfully?"
 After 10 wash rags, umpteen disposable wipes, ALL bedding and pads and 2 loads of laundry with 2 more to go later, breakfast finally out of the way and it is only 10:30 am.. 
I was beginning to wonder who around here needed a sedative, me or my Loved Ones, including my husband who was looking for the drain strainer to the bath tub.
 Thinking maybe it got thrown in the trash with all the chucks and yucks, it appears that our cat Jack had found it and carried it out of the bathtub and into the living room to play with it. LOL
One night as the three of us were engrossed in a Travel log, my LO began disrobing at 6pm.

Me: "Why are you taking your clothes off?"

LO: "I'm getting ready for bed."

Me: "But it's not time for bed yet."

LO: "But it is for me!" He states emphatically.

Me: "Bed time around here is 8pm."
LO: "says who?" a little irritated

Me: "This is my facility and I set the schedule."

LO: Stops taking off clothes and continues to watch TV with us.
Another day:
LO: "Who else shares this room? 


Me: "This is your private room."

LO: "Will I be here tonight?"

Me: "Yes, you're family made arrangements for you to stay here."

LO: "How long do I have to stay here? I have not heard from anybody in the family?"

(Unfortunately, LO does not remember his daughters visit or recent FaceTime with family members. He also does not remember that he has lived here in this same room going on now 3+ yrs.
After taking yet another tumble:
LO:   
"I have asked God to take me home so many times, I don't know why he has not".


K:   (overhearing the comment replied)  "God has not finished your mansion yet."

So while the guys are Sun Downing, I'm Sun Upping some dinner, and down loading and up loading laundry in between. I guess that would count as some exercise.



SENIOR SITTERS OR A SENIOR SITTER 
I sure do appreciate my husband coming along side to sit with LO during some of the sun downing hours watching some of the guy programs on TV.
 


I like crime and who dun it stuff, Forensic Files, etc. but I can not watch those with LO. The other night I was watching Law & Order and LO scared my half to death when he suddenly in a loud voice shouted, "Get those people out of here.
 Call the Cops."
 A short time later he asked if I had called the cops.
 So I guess I will have to watch Driving Miss Daisy or The Sound of Music or nature stuff. Getting a little tired of the stuff on TBN.


 At 6am another day, the house is dark,  only the night light lit, my husband rudely awakens me to alert me that LO has been wandering around and was found in the bathroom, apparently disoriented.


Yep, he managed to find the portal to the rails up on the bed without damaging himself, cold yet fully clothed and dry. 
I am tempted to postpone breakfast, veer slightly from schedule but find my stomach growling.
 I turn on the coffee maker, make the decision to change pancake Tuesday to cold cereal Sunday as Sunday was hot cereal and yesterday was scrambled egg Monday with bacon bits,salsa,tortilla morning..... and my night has left me with little energy.
Going now for a second cup of coffee.