SNAP OUT OF IT!

What questions invade your mind?
How do you replace the panic in your heart with trust?

How do you move on to a level of trust when your frazzled mind is chasing unknowns?
If ever I doubted God’s presence throughout life, my journey has convinced me otherwise.
This past year has been incredibly challenging.
Since my early years, I have learned, although slow at times to recognize the concept that I do not control.
The notion of “Letting Go” or relinquishing the fact that I control life's next chapters is incredibly difficult.  We encounter many disappointing seasons in life.
When frantically calling your earthly lifelines fail and you are left to comfort yourself,  the strains of a familiar hymn linger, (Be Still My Soul) or a call to set aside those things that trouble and let God be God (Ps.46:10, “Be still, and KNOW that I am God.”)
It’s hard to be still!
It’s hard to trust!  GOD IS GOD.
STOP what you are doing and allow God to do what only he can do.
BE STILL
Be still my soul the Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain
Be still my soul thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end
Be still my soul when dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears
Then shalt thou better know His love His heart
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears
Be still my soul the waves and winds shall know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below
Be still my soul the…

It is so easy to get buried underneath all the trimmings of Christmas but it is all to clear that the reason for the birth of Jesus is clearly stated in 2 Cor.5:15
Often we forget that Christ’s birth was a foreshadowing of things to come because of sin.
So here is what sin does, quoting from Paul Tripp in his
“Come Let Us Adore Him” advent devotional day 9:
“It causes each of us to place ourselves in the center of our worlds and make life all about us.  So we always feel our need to control.  We hate it if we’re not healthy.  We want to be affluent and surrounded by beautiful possessions.  We can’t cope if we’re not surrounded by people who like and respect us.
We want life to be predictable and easy.
We don’t want obstacles in our way or suffering of any kind in our path.
So because we can’t control any of these things, we’re perennially unhappy with life, and sadly, often with God.
You see, our problem is not just that we live in a broken world…We have a glory problem.”

SIMPLY INTOXICATING

A cause for pause, a show stopping spectacular gem.

Though I might have seen them in previous years, this year has had its surprising moments, a perfect antidote to any dreary day.
Yesterday’s adventure is tomorrow’s ideas.  I can’t stop thinking!  I can’t make my mind settle.  My mind goes everywhere.

“From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised” Ps.113:3

Orchid colored blooms

 
Taking in the intoxicating beauty of the silk floss tree gives me pause to turn my thoughts to the creator.
My neighborhood represents a small fraction of the brilliance of God in creating the intricacy and depth of this eye-popping treasure.  I stop and pay homage to this magical display. 

This strange-looking tree.
I am drawn by its beauty and poignant reminders of God’s presence and loving care. 

Discovering nature

The delight of discovering this tree is a reminder of how God has gifted me with the delights of its beauty and its ability to thrive in the city.
My daily early morning routine seems to be slowly developing into an eye for aspects of city nature.
However, the most stunning, show-stopping is this spectacular gem, the silk floss tree.

Yesterday's Fabulous Floss Flowers

The spectacular display, you see, is a marvel, not only for displaying its intense-orchid-colored, pink flowering blossoms but its unusual plump seed pods that look like sausages dangling to dry which later crack open to expose balls of white cotton-like fiber stuffing, the size of a football

that drift to the ground looking like cotton candy.

A touch of fall

Wet with morning dew

Paying homage to this magical display

It’s most striking feature is the scary-looking,

Fluff on tuffs

wicked-looking, sharp thorns on its trunk with the ground below draped with fallen flowers and fluff that looks like polyester fiber fill.
I have often left this intense display of God, comforted by the reminders of God’s presence.

  It is one of the most astonishing things God has done for me.  I can’t help but think that God delights in us taking pleasure in his creative effort, his expression of his glory.

spines serve as water storage

Mind boggling is the thought of the incredible creation that is beyond my awareness and for God’s enjoyment and to think what a wonderful experience God grants for a moment in which I can marvel at the lavish demonstration of his cycles through seasons and waiting for the promised with the rest of creation.

WAITING

Mind boggling that God is constantly reminding us of his existence, in such silent, non-verbal ways.

Cuddles under the silk floss

BRUTAL END TO LIFE

Don't come to my house expecting normal.

The rhythms of my very early childhood revolved on hours of daylight in a culture where church and anything else commenced when most everyone got there.  
We were free and unfettered from access to electricity or running water in the bathroom.
Before dusk the kerosene lamps were ready to be lit for a limited time, however, by night fall basically everyone went to sleep.

Upon awakening, satisfying myself with the sounds of hand patted tortillas and the smell of coffee eminating from the outer kitchen at the crack of dawn, I was tempted to snuggle tightly under the covers.
Provisions were set out on the extra wide, adobe depth, window sill to keep cold or gotten by trundling down the mountain path on market days for fresh vegatables or meat.
My father brutally ended the life of the chickens as I grasped the beak,  then dunked in scalded water, plucked, disemboweled, and pressure cooked as I watched.
  After church, we often took home one of the tethered to the platform or wood bench chickens that had been offered as a tithe or offering as the proceeds contributed to the church budget.

For lack of refrigeration, our milk came in the commonly instant powdered form. Milk known as Nestle's Nido.  There's one problem...it tastes nasty.
Needless to say, it was quite an adjustment for entry into a more material, easier life and an appreciation of the gifts I enjoy today.

SANITY SAVERS

Welcome to Cultivating Joy!
Who ever you are and why you are here, I am glad you found this spot.
 Sensing several years ago that I needed to pursue JOY and live up to my given middle name, blogging through my life journey became an outlet to reminded me of the many seasons I have traveled through.
A large portion of my life has been care giving. 

Now don't get me wrong, although care giving can lead to many unique blessings. The insanity lies in the  repetition and definition of insanity in that case I would be certifiable each year.

Along the way, I as Dona Quixote, have traveled many miles with the Don. There comes a point when sanity saving measures must be put into place.

Type A caregivers will not agree and they can carry on at will, however, here are my suggestions for sanity savers:

>LOWER YOUR STANDARD
   Clean clothes-bathroom-dishes 
   are priorities.  Everything else is  a
   lick and a promise.

>LOWER EXPECTATIONS
   The ones that are unreal, the 
    demands that don't match your
    circumstances.

>INCREASE FLEXABILITY
   Plans change, Dr's appointments 
   get rescheduled-caregivers or 
   loved ones get sick-caregivers 
   don't show up (big time). 
   Crises arise.

>DECISION FATIGUE IS REAL
  Put decisions on auto pilot when 
  possible.  Extra decision making  for
  two is tiring, admit it.
  Make the best choice possible and 
  repeat it.  Figure out your daily 
  pattern and repeat it.  Set a 
 routine.

>RAISE YOUR SPIRITUAL STANDARDS
   Spending time with God in his 
  Word will alter your perspective.
The most unexpected part of caregiving is the people who are affected by your life, your story.

There is always something extraordinary about someone who chooses to join the journey.
While the world views loved ones as a liability, the right people, the ones God sends view it from a heavenly perspective.

I have relished being a part of many lives in the unique world of caregiving.

SEVENTY & ME 2

Monday hits you.
 

Tuesday follows and out of no-where, it hits you, you love that dude.

You are alone with him.  You are spending more and more time together.
Because I am a sinner and a human loving someone more than myself is difficult.  I find my selfish self dealing with a lot of stuff.  Feelings that shouldn’t be that drown out the truth.
This crazy journey together is well how can I describe it,

indescribable something I attempt to do anyway.
Admit it!  Seventy and me, pain and discomfort are part of life.  Seventy is a stressful job.  Daily frustrations are more magnified.
I strategize toward making it through tough situations that change from one upset to anxious moment after another.
Lingering on the “what ifs” for every possible outcome only contributes to more anxiousness.
My go-to-list is before me, in that thick black book that sits on the night stand in my attempts to celebrate that book daily and to celebrate my amazing accomplishments of the day, the wins that deserve joy and thankfulness.
Another day has passed.  I fall asleep exhausted till suddenly, I am jolted out of an unescapable dream that threatens the very existence of a peaceful night. or sleep escapes.  From my pillow arises the grumbles of my insides.  Oh, the horrors of the mind, the brouhaha with Seventy and me as anxiety threatens, the demands of seasonal thoughts.  The shoulder blades tighten and creep up to the neck as I seek solace in a massage or a quiet pause.

Yes, Seventy and me, we are falling apart.
Why is it so easy to bound out of bed each morning with worldly expectations instead of spiritually minded ones? 
Did I say “bound”?  Well, you get the picture of what bounding might cause or threaten your mobility. The perpetual pressures associated with Seventy and me weigh me down.  Am I shouldering them in my own strength.
LOOK AROUND!

  Birds are a testimony of God’s care and faithfulness for his creation.  And he does it day after day.  It is redundant to think that God doesn’t care about Seventy and Me.  There is nothing outside his vision or control, so Seventy and Me will do fine.

SEVENTY & ME

Living now with an "older adult", with me as one of them, is a stressful challenge.

Oh, the juggling day-to-day tasks is really the easier part.  The main contributor is the emotional part.
The thoughts, the feelings______I find that as part of taking care of this part of life is often writing them down.
It's challenging to THINK and focus thoughts, relegating them to their proper or intended places.  I'd like to think of myself as a wannabe proficient writer.  How extraordinary that I can even think.

Taking time out for early morning walks allow myself to relax and breath, the urban quality air in the common beauties my neighborhood provides.  It is a wonderful ritual to set this time to let my mind flow and rest on the feast of the sights God has provided.

It allows for a release of some of the pent up emotions and sets the tone for a calmer and less stressed out day.
At first glance I miss read "Advertise With Us" with "Adventure With Us".  It amused me as I thought to my self, "Is that what Seventy delivers?"  I am a Boomer!  I am a senior!  Yikes!
I get easily excited just to be alive.
For those of you young ones, get ready.  This is waiting for you.
What do I love about me in the now?

I don't care what others think of me.
My inner beauty is what counts.  I can read all day and stay in my jammies, discount at Denny's, and wearing quirky hats, watching the moon go to bed, and awesome sunsets.  Not to mention shaving my legs so much.  Honky Tonk is the most annoying song.

Past experiences have taught much drama is unecessary and being bolder than before.  Waking up at all hours of the night and not stressing about it.  Seniors,mothers of babies and care givers share that phenomon.

The best thing about Seventy and Me is knowing that life has a purpose and you will come out of it at a level you never knew existed.
You will be left with the profoundness of God's character and attributes, with his fingerprints all over each page, each season of your story.
 

CULTIVATING JOY: THE CROOKED CARE GIVER

CULTIVATING JOY: THE CROOKED CARE GIVER: "In much wisdom is much vexation."  ~Eccl.1:18 The book of Ecclesiastes is a painful book to read.   Arriving at conclusions...

THE CROOKED CARE GIVER

"In much wisdom is much vexation."  ~Eccl.1:18

The book of Ecclesiastes is a painful book to read. 
 Arriving at conclusions about things we do not want to think about and many things we do not want to confront.
The belief that we are lacking vital efforts and knowledge to attain desired results to extend life we attempt to accumulate that knowledge through the internet.
We perhaps are under the false perception that we can alter what God has made crooked.

"Consider what God has done:

Who can straighten
    what he has made crooked?" ~Ecc.7:13

Do we even think of God making things crooked and us thinking that we can alter what he has made?

Have we ever attempted to straighten that which we perceive as crooked only to arrive at its futility and pointlessness?

We become so emotional and less able to process a devasting diagnosis as Alzheimer's?

The belief that we are somehow lacking vital efforts in our straining for our own desired results as if it is our sole purposed to help God extend life one more day.

No amount of wisdom, knowedge, and experience will determine the end. 

"For in much wisdom is much grief: and he that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow." ~Eccl.1:18

Psalm 139:16

 "Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them."

So for those of us who are pious and brainwashed, we wrestle with what honestly goes on in our minds as givers of care.  We want to give care on our terms often undermining what you are trying to accomplish.   We often placate our minds by searching for just one more way, one more diet fad, one more essential oil in the quest for longevity instead of more time spent in God's Word .  The more time spent in that Word, the clearer will be your understanding of what to do. The more time you spend with your loved one and relishing in their presence,  
the more you will enjoy that crookedness.

That is the best part of crooked because that is one thing you can straighten.

TO MY LAST BORN

Dear Last Little,
You were my last.
You were the beginning of final firsts.  Never again was I to feel tiny kicks growing inside of me.  Never again would I feel such pain of childbirth.
I wound up nursing my last baby, perhaps a bit longer.
The day I first heard your cry as you left the confines of the cozy bed in my womb was an absolutely last incredible experience yet bitter sweet as I fought such weakness, exhaustion, crabbiness, and hunger.  I looked at that little, monkey faced, bundle as she looked back at me and handed her over to her auntie.
The mid-wife’s apprentice, who I had been so mean to walked in with a bouquet of pink roses.  I was instantly ashamed of myself.

  Sylvie really was a sweet petit french lady who spoke with a deep accent.
 I was one of those mothers of “advanced maternal age” and was beginning an adventure like no other with you.

  You were my smallest baby.  I was 30 when I had my first baby and now at 40, I was to be an “older” mom.
  The hardest part of having a “last baby” is that it would be that last time of again anticipating the arrival of another.
I had come to the end of a chapter in my life of precious moments in life that would never happen again.
Thinking about those moments brings about many nostalgic memories.  The sweetness of cuddling a new baby.  I’ll always look back with fondness on those sweet moments as well as not expecting such a difficult birth.
I went into labor the day my mid-wife went on vacation.

  The anxiety and stress mounted as I had to get used to a new but very capable mid-wife.
I will always hold those memories and there will always be a special place for my youngest.

  No matter your age, you will never lose the title of being “My Baby”.
It was hard to win a race with a well napped toddler but God kept my heart strong enough and provided the energy and strength.
You got the most cuddles and hugs.  You were the last one weaned.
The stress of a teen in my mid-to-late 50’s was a process to be reckoned with.  Yet, we survived.
As the ribbon of childhood

unwound, to quickly, I witnessed the longer view that spanned from watching a new born to helping that same new born set up a college apartment.  It was a struggle to let you go. 
You were the last one to experience adulthood and struggled with “adulting” the most.
I never tire of staring at all the photos.
You were the wonderful closing of one chapter after another of adventures.  Don’t forget your roots and foundation.
I am forever blessed the Lord permitted me the opportunity to be your mother.
Love
Mom

My MIDDLE Little

DEAR MIDDLE DAUGHTER,
Not the oldest.  Not the youngest.
I will have to admit that often you went unappreciated.

A New Sister

All Things Yellow

As a middle daughter, I am aware that you received the short end of the stick, however, you were amazingly resilient.

You were strong and grounded and still are.  You got along with all sorts of people and made friends from all walks of life.

You constantly amazed me with the ability to constantly deal with older siblings who were at times being jerks and a younger one who was sometimes a pain.
You learned easily how to handle situations.  You were the child with pizzaz.  You worked hard to get to get things.

You were just another wanted, another girl, an ultimate gift.
Don’t ever worry for an instant that I did not love you.
You were the beginning of a personality that was totally different than your sisters, completely unique, a daughter to love and cherish.
There was so much about you to love and cherish.  You were different and new besides the fact that you slept away that first month as if to gain momentum for the days to come. 

In the beginning, I nursed you with the same intensity and focus I did with your siblings but you had other plans and weaned yourself early and took to the bottle.
Days tired me out more than before I had you, triple the stress and half the sleep but even on the weariest days, I loved you very much. I was never a perfect mom, despite my efforts but I will always love you.
Nine months before your birth went by like a whirlwind and then the earth-shattering moment you were placed by the mid-wife on my chest.

The excitement and anticipation of the gender reveal was replaced with you, another daughter.  With you, you obliged by arriving a week early so as not to interfere with Halloween.

Before you, I had suffered through the loss of three pregnancies.  Had I not suffered those losses, you would not be here.

  You would have been number six instead of three.
You followed the  ‘perfect first born” and the “strong willed second child”.  You had your squad of cheer leaders and was the life of the party.  Your sunny disposition attracted everyone who crossed your pathway.
The thought that I might not have had you, had I followed the mid-wife’s advice, to stop at two was unthinkable.
You, were the one stuck in the middle seat, extremely independent and the most joyful “little” to be around,
even though you were not coddled and cuddled as much.  The horror on my face, as I looked in the rear view mirror to find you standing in your car seat as we traveled down the freeway with a defient, non compliant attitude forcing us to take the next exit to deal with the situation.  

You got everything a lot earlier than your siblings.  You got your first job along side me in the nursery
Every minute I spend with you is joy.  You in part, helped to heal the losses.

  I am writing this because I want to thank you.  I have been privileged  to walk with you on part of your life journey that has been beautiful, exciting, and challenging.  It was difficult keeping up with your milestones in written form so this will have to suffice.
In spite of annoying everyone with your singing along with all the Disney movies, you had an amazing memory.  Your bed time chatter kept your siblings awake and constant bevy of activity.
Projects made you happy.  “Accidental cuts” in your tights on Sunday during craft time remained a mystery for a time.

Your unique laughter, the sparkle in your eyes and the happiness you radiate are a testimony to your joyful energy and love for God.

You continue to feel your best when interacting with people and life continues to be rich and fulfilling as you share your children with others.
So my darling, Hannah Joy, may the future draw you closer to God as you serve your little family and seek for the things of God.
Love,
Mom