CAUGHT UNPREPARED? The feeling of horrible astonishment: My Son was gone.

 It will soon be a year since the death of our son, due to a sudden heart attack at the age of 32.

We will never make sense out of his death, yes, there are still days I question why.

Yes, the grief continues to well up against the fresh realization that he is gone.

Yes, there continues to be disappointments and shattered dreams.  The seasons to look forward to a marriage, children, and grandchildren, and visits to his newly renovated house are but faded realities.  The loses with in the loses are a matter of personal selfish dreams and ambitions that will never take place.  I will never have the priviledge of having a daughter-in-law.

The most difficult decisions in the past year have had painful reminders that he is gone.  Dealing with the estate, the sale of the house, sale of the Jeep,taxes, finances and legal issues to contend and creditors to appease.  It has been a long drawn process, however, I am told that It could have been longer.   Looking back on this process, we see how each step had its own timing for our own good.  I am grateful for the many who came along side us and helped us through this process.

I treasured each little memory my son and I made together and there were many as well as all the memories of his handiwork left behind.

This is an article by Tripp of which I have found so describes some of my feelings and he could not have been so right on.  An excerpt:

Nothing is more shocking, emotional, or final than the death of a loved one. Facing the death of someone you love—a child, a spouse, a parent, a close friend—is one of life's most difficult experiences.
Your head is spinning with so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You can't grasp that you've had your last visit, your last conversation, your last meal, and your last holiday with your loved one. Your mind is flooded with things you wish you had said or done. You want to say, "I love you," one more time, and you want to hear it said to you.
Your warehouse of memories is filled with fond and painful remembrances, and you are holding tightly to that treasured collection of fading photographs. You don't feel ready to say goodbye or to deal with the grief that's overtaken you.
This article is written to help you make sense out of what appears to make no sense and to point you towards hope even as you are experiencing the darkness of death.
When you are dealing with grief your emotions race and your thoughts are scattered. In the middle of this confusing and hard time, you need to remember a few simple truths from the Bible. God will use them to help you understand what you are experiencing and to give you hooks on which to hang your emotions.

A Look Out point where my son took me for a wild Jeep ride.

You can't prepare for the death of a loved one. Whether death results from a sudden accident or a long illness, it always catches us unprepared. Death is so deeply emotional and stunningly final that there is nothing you can do ahead of time that will help you sail through your moment of loss. Those who knew that death was coming and those who were taken completely by surprise will go through many of the same things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Grief Finding Hope in the Darkness  To read full article click here.

TAKE A WALK WITH A TURTLE! PAUSE FOR A MOMENT!

Exploring The Mighty Oaks

"Imagine", (Pause)

Getting into a car and going from point A to point B without stopping at stop signs or traffic lights until you reached point B.

Doing so would cause a little chaos and destruction to you and those around you.
Although taking walks from point A to point B with no stops would not necessarily create chaos and destruction, one would not create that sense of wonder and adventure were it not for the little interruptions when accompanying a loved one on a walk.

Checking Out The Rails

A pause
"A temporary stop in action, a break, an interruption, a lull, respite, hiatus, interlude, rest, wait, a breather," what ever you want to call it is very important to care giving and giving your loved one an adventure of the moment.
Pauses.... enable us to reflect on the moment to notice and perhaps this is why walking and resting are so enjoyable.
Pauses...allow us to reset the button and reconnect.
Don't walk as if you have an urgent appt. with the nearest rest room unless in case you really do, which can often happen when taking a walk with a loved one, including me.

Checking Out the Vinca

     This world is a crazy place, a beautiful place, a sinful place, and it keeps moving from one adventure to another, crisis to crises, strangeness to beauty to many pauses and many more as the world closes in for our loved ones, until there is nothing left to do but PAUSE  in the wonder of a God who does not abandon.

Fountains Are Favorites

The caravan keeps moving on, and the care giver is to make it all work out, but somehow, instead God makes it all work out.
Our adventures never turn out to be our own.

"Take a walk with a turtle
and behold the world in PAUSE."  ~Bruce Feiler

Home Pauses

 

 

You DON'T NEED a Plan. JUST DO IT!

I found it fascinating that my third most viewed blog post of all times was posted July 10, 2013, REFLECTIONS ON WALKING

 WALKING-WALKING-WALKING

Many of my care giving adventures included WALKING

The next time you put on your walking shoes, head out the door with your loved one to explore your neighborhood.

Go out for just 10 minutes or more.  Just WALK.  You don't need a plan.  Most of my greatest adventures were those the least planned.  When caring for a loved one most plans change from moment to moment anyway.

When you're ready to bump up your outdoor stroll, look for green spaces.  Learn about the trees, the flowers, the birds.

Incorporate different textures, walk on bricks, walk on grass, walk on concrete, walk over stones, take a dirt path.

And if and when you can not get out of the house because...

WALK

As you walk past that kitchen clock, begin your walk about the house on the 5 min. increment.(then you can tell how long you have walked each time you pass that clock)  Take advantage of those long hallways and walk-through rooms and open floor plans.

Take advantage to spend that 10 to 20 minutes, while walking to pray and just thank God for the gift of walking.  As you continue your walk other items to pray for will come to mind.

 

 

 

Moms Need Theology Too | Desiring God

Moms Need Theology Too | Desiring God



"The word theology comes from the Greek words theos (God) and logos
(word or body of knowledge). Theology is the body of knowledge about
God, or put simply, the study of God. As Christians, we should desire to
know all we can about God. After all, he is our Maker, Creator,
Sustainer, and Savior.



But learning theology is just the first step. We also have to apply
it. And when theology intersects with our daily lives we find that it
isn’t just for seminary professors, but for all of us."

Out of the Ordinary: Find Phrases

Out of the Ordinary: Find Phrases 

This is a very good review of this book and sounds like one that I would want to purchase to enhance & encourage study in the Word.

Alzheimer's Resources: Flip Book

I am glad that I am a part of Gary & Laurie's journey.  My husband and I have been helping care for Gary several yrs. now.

This is an excellent idea to help out in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

How Long Till I Can Die? A 5-Year Journey in Hospice Caregiving | TGC | The Gospel Coalition

How Long Till I Can Die? A 5-Year Journey in Hospice Caregiving | TGC | The Gospel Coalition

"We learned that hospice care giving is a ministry of incarnational
presence to others at a time when they desperately need it. This journey
revealed a “theology of care” in showing us God’s care in the gospel,
and, likewise, our often broken responses to his offers of care for us."

This is one of the most decent articles I have ever read on the subject.  As a current care giver to my friend's loved one, I found it very descriptive.

It is a journey, one that we would not really plan to take, but it is what it is.

Often times, I am literally exhausted with all the cares of taking care of not only my loved ones but those of others, however, in the end I find it very rewarding.

I feel like I have been a part of this process.

 Upon learning that a former co-worker and friend had passed away early this morning,  although, I was not her care giver, I was part of the process as many prayers and scripture verses sent to her iPhone intensified the process.

A close friend kept us informed  almost daily on the hardships, emotions, the ups, the downs that evolved through updated e-mails.

On hearing of her home going this morning, it was a somewhat sense of relief one feels at a birth and shifting one's priorities of prayer onto all other decisions a family must make.  These are not easy decisions.  I know first hand of these things.