THE COURSE OF LOVE #1

THE COURSE OF LOVE #1

"The course of true love never did run smooth," penned William Shakespeare,

a timeless truth that resonates deeply as I reflect upon the intricate tapestry of my marriage.

That last milestone, marking 48 remarkable and mystifying years, compels a profound internal excavation – a deliberate effort to unearth the foundational truths and distilled wisdom that anchored our union. It wasn't a journey where years simply accumulated; rather, it had a dynamic evolution, each season requiring conscious effort and continuous recalibration in a neurodivergent world.

They say a successful marriage demands falling in love repeatedly, always with the very same person. This adage often prompts a chuckle and a moment of wonder for me: "Who exactly was that man I married, today?"

It speaks to an ongoing discovery inherent in a long-term partnership, especially when two individuals, seemingly wired with entirely distinct operating systems, committed to building a life together.

My initial connection was rooted in seeing beyond superficial interpretations of 'love,' recognizing a unique spark that reflected a profound beauty – an echo of the divine glory that resides within every soul.

It was indeed a testament to God's grace that our paths intertwined and our hearts aligned before the complexities of daily life had a chance to obscure that initial, potent bond. (an understatement)

Over four decades, I gained an ever-deepening appreciation for the layered complexities that formed the architecture of our shared life.

Revisiting the genesis of our relationship often recaptured those initial glimmers of connection that drew us together. Our imperfections, far from being deterrents, served as the challenging yet beautiful crucible in which our commitment was forged.

Ultimately, our journey, with all its human frailties,

remained a testament to a higher purpose: to glorify God. If we are, as scripture states, fearfully and wonderfully made – even if uniquely so on the spectrum – then our focus must pivot from our own preconceived expectations to that divine design.

Oh, the heartaches I may have sidestepped had I only possessed this understanding in our earlier years!

My path has been strewn with pivotal learning experiences, the wisdom gleaned from what I once perceived as marital pitfalls:

For far too long, I harbored the unspoken expectation that my husband should intuitively grasp my desires, discerning them through subtle cues. The stark reality was he often hadn't the faintest idea. This realization was a profound turning point, underscoring the absolute necessity of clear, direct communication. If I desired understanding, it was my responsibility to articulate it.

I learned the invaluable art of discerning which battles truly warranted my engagement. Not every disagreement demands a stand; some are best acknowledged, understood, and then allowed to pass, preserving the deeper harmony of our connection.

There were moments when allowing natural consequences to unfold, even if inconvenient or seemingly illogical in the short term, proved to be the most effective teacher – both for him and for the dynamics of our relationship. It fostered a deeper sense of personal accountability.

I discovered that persistent nagging, an attempt to govern territory that wasn't mine to control, served only to erode respect and create distance. True influence stems from partnership and respect, not relentless pressure. Yes, I failed miserably on so many occasions.

Finally, and perhaps most crucially, I cultivated the resilience not to panic when traversing the inevitable rough terrain of our shared life. Just as the Apostle Paul observed in 1 Corinthians 7:28, "those who marry will face many troubles in this life." This ancient wisdom is not a prophecy of despair, but a realistic acknowledgment that challenges are inherent. Learning to navigate those difficulties with faith and fortitude, rather than fear, was paramount. Yes, I failed, many, many times.

Every year refined my understanding of what it meant to build a lasting, meaningful partnership. It was a continuous process of learning, loving, and striving toward a shared, divinely-inspired purpose.

Yes, and I failed again even until the end. Such is the course of love, tainted by sin and cracked by our own limited knowledge.

~rjs