AVOID POISON ENVY

I don’t really want to write about what is really bothering me, because then, I would be held accountable.

FOCUSING

BUT...this is what is on my mind today.
 This Wednesday, I am focusing on an aspect of my life that I am not proud of.
 I  often feel disappointed over the path I sometimes find myself walking.  It’s not a simple journey.
No one has ever asked me if I’m jealous.  I am jealous of "normal" people.  I seriously wonder what normal is because normal isn't my today.
Very seldom do my plans go like I would want them to go, my WAY.
Sanctified living is not the presence of "normal". 
I'm finding it's the ability and strength in the absence of "normal" to lean desperately on Jesus.

There are corners in life that make me envious.  I struggle at times with covetousness.  I look at someone else's life, assume they have something better , assume it would be good for me, assume it would deliver different results for me.  However, my assumptions are later laid aside as I realize that God has my "normal" all planned out totally different from someone else's "normal".
  I occasionally feel pangs of jealousy toward healthy people.  Gone are the days when my thoughts were not consumed with anguished thoughts of health and the physical mental and discomfort they bring.
On other occasions, the whispers of my heart carry envy toward those who appear more spiritual.

NORMAL?

To my shame, I don't like to admit it, but sometimes when someone else gets something that I have wanted, as much as I feel genuinely happy for a friend, that finger of jealousy pokes into my being, disturbing my contentment and joy.  Those seasons of blessings for friends sometimes don't look like blessings for me.

Don't keep your JOY out of reach.

Scriptures speak much about these issues
 Proverbs 14:30 “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”

Job 5:2 “Surely resentment destroys the fool, and jealousy kills the simple.”

Mark 7:21-22 “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.”
 
 Tim Challies accurately describes envy:

"Who is Envy?
 What does Envy do?
 How do we define Envy?
 Something like this: Envy makes you feel resentment or anger or sadness because another person has something or another person is something that you want for yourself.
 Envy makes you aware that another person has some advantage, some good thing, that you want for yourself and, while he’s at it, he makes you want that other person not to have it.

"ENVY ROTS THE BONES"

This means that there are at least three evil components to Envy: the deep discontent that comes when you see that another person has what you want; the desire to have it for yourself; and the desire for it to be taken from him.
It’s crucial to understand that Envy flows out of Pride."

 C.S. Lewis says, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. We say people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others.”

BUSTED!

  Jealousy and envy have exposed my heart loyalties, acting against God by resenting him because I have determined in my mind that I deserve better.  Oh, God forgive me!