THE FINAL JOURNEY

It is a profound unexpected experience to be with someone at the end of their life journey.

Each day, closer to Heaven, 11-20-17

We all know that our lives are limited.  They are a part of life.  I felt honored that I shared those final stages of Dad's journey.
The waiting can take a toll  mentally and physically,
the sitting, watching, holding of hands, rubbing his head, caressing his cheek, watching for the slightest change.

11-25-17

  Seeing a slight movement of his lips or a flutter of his eyes and wondering what it means? Was he trying to tell us something?
 His breath quickened at the sweet sound of the guitar strumming. Tender melting strains of the hymns we sang led to a surreal silence.

Matt's guitar

  We could tell he had heard.  A remarkable serene, peace permeated the atmosphere.
  His breathing changed.   Last emotional moments for me, a peaceful resignation as I submitted the care giving over to the care of all care givers.
  His mouth hinted of a smile. His brown eyes struggled to see. His eyebrows raised ever so slightly, a flutter of the eye and then he was gone.  

Close to Home

  A strange and  disconnected feeling of reality took over my emotions as I walked silently out the room.  The silence was deafening.  Dad was now in Heaven.  (11-25-17, 10:15 pm.)
 

How to maximize your influence.

How do I want to be remembered?

"One day they may walk in your shoes."

Will my legacy be worthy enough that those who come behind me will be encouraged to walk in some of my shoes?
A reminder of death should motivate us to consider our legacy and to pursue ways to benefit those to come in time.
 If you are a part of something that will live on after you are gone, it is well to be part of activities that will make a difference.

 Let us take heed and remember. ~Ephesians 5:15-17" Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise,  making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.  Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.

How can one maximize influence and  time?  Our legacy is something meaningful that will out live us.  We get so focused on what we are doing now and don't always think about how our now is influencing and impacting those coming in time.
 Many of my friends are past mid-century age, and my daughters and sons--in-law will soon reach 40 years old or so younger.

Celebrating friendship

When you get my age you start thinking more seriously about such things and to think how selfishly I have acted at times and failed.
What can we do to make our influence and time more profitable?

Make sure they are pointed in the right direction. (Amy)

 Let your family and friends know where you stand.  After all we are required to be faithful and demonstrate godly character if we claim that we are one of God's children.
 A certain amount of transparency and vulnerability is required.

I Corinthians 4:2  
^"Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful."

Leave your children with wisdom and love of God's Word, it will help them benefit and treasure them. Teach them about Jesus and instruct them in the Word of God.

Then we need to reflect Christ in all we do.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters"  Col.3:23

The legacy concept has been on my mind as I think of my six grand children.  My desire is that I will be remembered in a way that they will want to walk in some of my shoes. 

Celebrating first grandchild moments

I hope that I have left a legacy of a daughter, mother, and grandmother, and friend that is worth something. 

"We all have much to gain by walking in others shoes."

(Hannah)

What has been important in my life, and journey has been logged into on this blog.  I have shared the ways I grew, events that transformed my life, changes in seasons which I hope have inspired and touched lives.  It has been my desire to touch lives and exemplify a truthful and purposeful life so my legacy will live on.

Cultivating joy has always been my life motto and through my blogs I have attempted to convey the blessings of joy upon my life.

It's never to early to get a card from Grandma.

Shifting into the older age with…
slivers of influence

I have shared my passions, interests, and ideas that have made a difference in my life.

"I leave no grand legacy but having lived mostly an ordinary life, it’s not about the size of my impact."  ~Anon

  The greatest legacy or inheritance one can leave is that of faith.

 

 

ORANGE ORCHARDS & LAKE VIEWS

Lake at Necaxa, Puebla

1957-1960 
Nestled on an idyllic orange ranch on the fringe of Lake Necaxa, Puebla, approx. 100 miles northeast of the City of Mexico, a wealthy lady, Sra. Andrade owned a large quintessential house, secluded by trees, she allowed the mission to use when I was eight and in third grade.
 The beautiful ranch with its flowering orange trees and branches bending low full of fruit was an exciting place to hide and I take refuge under them. I  loved to spend time outdoors.

The ranch house was a dreary and dreadful looking two story house to an eight year old.  Statues of figures holding lanterns made the house look eerie at night.  Without electricity the kerosene lamps drew strange shadows and many imaginations inside and outside the house.  Sra. Andrade loved dogs and had all her beloved dog's skins lying around like rugs after they departed.
I had three sister/schoolmates who I spent much time with. On one occasion we were playing dentist with various props, one of them being white shoe polish which ended up into one of the patients mouths, yuck, because, I was the dentist and one of the sisters was my patient. 

 While we lived in this house, on the same property, a school house/dorm was being built closer to the edge, high above the lake surrounded by orange groves.
 A large rectangle cinder block building with concrete floor was in process of being built with a large indoor patio in the middle with rooms surrounding.
The large school room had a large window view of nature.  The teachers quarters was next to that room, the boys dorm on one side and girls on the opposite side.  One corner was the dorm parents suite.
Our back yard was located so as to get a view of the lake through some woods and an idyllic trail lined with ferns and other rain forest like foliage leading down to a spring and then on down to the lake.
Our mission school "living quarters" always seemed very cold and impersonal to me with the cinder block walls and concrete floors.  Nothing hung on the walls and nothing softened the floor.

Class Picture, 1960

It was customary to pack as many of us into a vehicle to go to church or into the town of Huauchinango which took us around and on the far side of the lake.  The carry-all or van lived up to its name.  I recall falling asleep on the floor like sardines while the older folk and bigger kids sat in the seats after long Sunday night services that seemed to last forever.

The thunderstorms were frightening at night prompting one to snuggle and cuddle my doll a little closer in the blankets while listening to the rain fall into the huge steel drums that were placed to catch the rain.  One incident comes to memory of playing dentist with various props, one of them being white shoe polish which ended up into one of the patients mouths, yuck, because, I was the dentist and one of the sisters was my patient.

With our dolls that Grandma & Grandpa Wedgwood gave us

One night the rabbit hutch was not secure and one got killed by the dog.  The rabbits were one type of meat we ate as disease-free chickens were scarce in Mexico.

I can't believe how much "unsupervised" time we were all allowed---to "roam" the property. I remember getting "lost" one day in the forest, thinking it was a short cut back to the house. Everybody was sent out to look for me. I thought I would be in big trouble.  After finding my own way back to the house, I hid under the bed for while with everyone still looking & getting worried.  Everyone was so relieved to find me and I do not recall any reprimands to that occasion.

Last day of school after a play about Abraham Lincoln, (L to R) back row, Larry Kalter, Ed Ediger, Becky, Carmen, David, Sonya, Mimi,Joy Shirk, Ricky Kalter  1960

Sadly, after the school year ended in 1960, the school closed at this site and we joined a family in Huauchinango for the next year of school as other families either went on furlough or left to join other missions.  



 

EPIC ADVENTURE ON THE SEVENTH FLOOR

From my care givers log, June 3 through August 28, 2002.

"If you can't please man then try to please The Lord." 

It was shortly after noon time as I emerged from my home, headed for my care giving assignment at Fickett towers. The sun was high, the day began to get hot as I made my way in a hot air condition less car, a 1972 Plymouth gold Duster.  It was to be one of those very hot, smoggy Southern California days.
 A steady stream of cars was a reminder of my busy day ahead. Upon my arrival, I quickly made my way to the seventh floor, after being buzzed in, waiting for the elevator where several of us had migrated to await our departure to various floors, I finally arrived at my floor.

 The view was spectacular. It paid homage to Sherman Way and other interesting buildings. From the 7th floor, I was able to view, the parking below, and small figures walking about to their various destinations, to the grocery store and food venues near by, lending to easy access for those who did not drive.

Fickett Tower

 I had just taken a position as home health care provider as a favor for a good friend. It proved to be my most humbling, most challenging, most difficult three months of experience I have ever had in my Care Giving adventures, a care giving paradox. This woman was in her 90's, very petite, somewhat frail, with Adrian Monk the detective type tendencies of OCD, with a very strong will, and disregard for treating her help well.
   She constantly lectured on cleanliness and godliness, followed me around as I worked, constantly offering her expertise.
  One day she said to me, "Honestly, Becky, Where did you learn to clean?"  I spent my days fluffing and plumping up pillows and thick-like down comforters and avoiding her white satin sofa.  One day "we" washed ALL the artificial flowers and there were many.
   I learned the difference between yams and sweet potatoes and introduced to organic grown foods and how to cook CARE GIVING STEW.  (Stephanie Stew)

Care Giving Stew

One day at not being able to meet her expectations of cleanliness and after three times taking dishes out of the cupboards demanding that I re-wash them, I was reminded of a statement I had heard once, "If you can't please man then try to please The Lord."
    So I cried out to God in my frustration, He would answer and she would dismiss me curtly to leave the apt. or do something else.
  She would constantly remind me that I was her maid, her housekeeper and her servant in a deeming way and in a way I was, a servant, God's servant.

  One day she told me:  "Never hire a missionary to work for you.  They are lazy.  They just sit at their desks on the field and write letters asking for money."
  There were many days, I left close to tears.
 For two weeks, I was banned from using her bathroom and had to go down 7 floors down to use the lobby restrooms after she posted a sign "Off Limits",
 Each laundry day prompted a lecture of the "fine" arts of laundering and dragging it to the laundry room 7 floors down.
      One day after I had furiously cleaned her small apt.,  she commented on HOW TIRED WE WERE because of all the work WE had done.  The ironic thing about all this cleaning was that when I left each day the bottom of my feet were always black.

How Can You Rejoice Today?

  I was not allowed to wear shoes and often went bare footed.   I had my own chair that I was expected to use if I had to sit down.
  She often told stories and one of them was about her apt. catching fire.    The carpets must not of been cleaned well after that.   Mystery solve to the black feet.  After expending such energy to clean and maintain that bathroom, the maintenance men traipsed through to repair the water heater much to her consternation.
     One day I was to drag out 3 large carpets that the Tibetan monks had made for her while she was in Nepal.   I vacuumed them and place them around in preparation for  visitors she was expecting the following week.

  She shared, how horrifying it was to see the Tibetan children using her curtains and table clothes to wipe their noses on as everyone in Nepal had constant running noses.
   However, the highlights of some of those working days were listening to stories as well as reading Scriptures upon request.   We read the whole book of Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and other passages.    She frequently referred to the Scriptures as "PRECIOUS AND UN PERISHABLE". 

Sometimes, you just have to close your eyes, give a sigh, and let it go.

 After three months my Saga with Stephanie ended with enormous relief.  I had originally planned to stay 6 months at this position, however, it was becoming more difficult to please her.  She was unhappy with me and she wanted to find someone else who could "do better than me".
I then gave two weeks notice and when that dead line came, she begged me to stay on but I had another position I was to begin.
  Her parting words were bitter.   "Becky" she said "You are very proud and proud full."    A long silence prevailed, I bit my tongue, tears welled up.  I had just devoted 3 months of my life in the most humbling experiences with all energies.

 I quickly, gathered the trash bags and my belonging and one last time walked out that door toward the rubbish chute. I shoved it down that chute with vengeance, listened for the faint thump as it landed 7 stories into the dumpster below and proceeded briskly to the elevator. I pushed that button one last time, waited for it to arrive, and then down the 7 flights, out the door to my car.

   Close to tears yet with a great sigh of relief, I started the car and headed for home.  I was never so grateful to be greeted by my own messy kitchen.
I have driven past that edifice many times only to be reminded of my seventh floor humbling experiences.
So my dear Christian caregivers, the challenges and heartaches
of care-giving are always present, but the blessings are
there also. How can you rejoice in this day?"

 

WHY WAIT FOR HOSPICE!

"We're all just walking each other home." ~Anon

I have currently been digesting my recent experiences with hospice. Marking each moment in  memory.  I reach the room and look around and think what an amazing provision from the Lord and to think I may have missed the blessings had I not been open to the suggestions offered me at the time.  What was I waiting for?  We are often characterized by waiting to long and availing ourselves of hospice for too short of time.
 The depth of this experience has left a mark upon my heart along with the valuable lessons left behind. 
Each person, each hospice team member represents a tangible expression of a Divine appointment.
Could it be  
that God sends them to us unexpectedly, as ‘Divine Appointments’, as opportunities to share the Gospel?  Although I must admit that at times I've been so exhausted by the cares that the last thing I wanted to do is engage in some long theological chat. ("Be ready in season and out of season." 2 Timothy 4:2)

However, walking the talk may be more beneficial as our actions are on display as how we play out the care giving drama.

Spend time just being there.

Looking back at past experiences in care giving, I am drawn to the fact that there is a hesitancy or tendency to ignore the fact that our loved one could benefit from the services of hospice. 
Perhaps this judgment stems from the misperception that the services are only appropriate in the last hours to days of life.

Spiritual Welfare Check

For others it could be acknowledging that their loved one is in their last days? 
Could it be that so many are lacking in awareness of its benefits?  
Could it be a reluctance to accept the terminal phase of illness?
 Could it be the belief  that all the loved one’s needs are being met, and don't think that hospice care could add anything to the existing care.
Could it be not wanting strangers into the home?
Could it be lack of knowledge of hospice benefits and surmising that they will end life?

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  2 Cor.4:16

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:16

Could it be that we are so busy ignoring the fact that the doctors have done all they can and we blindly pursue options that cause more pain and suffering to our loved ones in hopes of extending their lives in continuing misery?
  I am guilty of taking measures to "prolong" life for selfish, earthly desires.  We shadow, we go from one doctor to another in hopes of prolonging that life which only God can do.
Could it be a proud full admission that we are going to do it our way.
Could you have been told through palliative care that they do not qualify yet for transition into hospice?

 Could it be that God is preparing you for an unexpected change you are not willing to take?  God just may be preparing you for future divine appointments with a hospice team. 
Having recently availed myself of  ROZE ROOM 
I have just this past year had a very positive experience with the nine and a half months of palliative care and 45 days on hospice with my father in our home.

My personal advice would be to swallow pride and avail yourself of the services offered and spend more time just being with your loved one. 

“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the Lord is finished.” —1 Chronicles 28:20

Last Father/Daughter date at Steeples

HOW TO APPROACH CARE GIVING

I view extemporaneous writing as a challenging exercise.  So here goes:

"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail."  Isa.58:11

 The passing of time is a journey.  The passing of time is transforming and life is never the same after recalling memories from the past.  Random thoughts, stray thoughts simply remind me what it has been like to be a care giver.
As time carries on, we celebrate today. Gone are the days when most days are abundantly stressful.
 Gone are the days of juggling.  Gone are the days of hanging on.  Gone are the days when you feel like you are falling apart, however, what is not gone are the days when anything can be taken at any moment.

"Your strength will equal your days." Deut.33:25

Gone are the days that were fast, yet long, a reminder of the rewards that eventually outweighed challenges.
Gone are the days I feel beat up, tired, and wore out.
There was no way of going back.  We carry on.
To all the new care givers out there, Care giving is not easy.  It was never meant to be.  It is physically exhausting.  It is emotionally draining.  It is spiritually challenging.  It is very daily.
Even though you feel all alone, you are not.  If you have been unbelievably tired and frazzled, God will give you the strength to carry on.
Even though we don't have it all together, God will provide wisdom, he will provide help.
Don't make the mistake of not accepting that what is, is what it will be, with continual change. 
Don't make the mistake of letting many things go. (e.g arguing)  ("Letting go isn't about giving up but about trusting.")
It is so easy to get wrapped up in the day to day life, that we forget we live in a fallen world.  God is the only reason we have made it this far.  Perception of life changes after care giving.

"But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed..."  II Tim.4:17

Seasons have marked me, shaped me, challenged me to deeper dependence on Jesus and His Word.  I find great comfort in knowing that God has been with me and watching over me during my care giving experiences.
Has care giving been worth it all?  Sure care giving can get to you but you just do it.

Amidst care givings trials and hard work, it's best to take on the perspective by author Shelly Beach "..Approach care giving as a means to draw us into God's Word and view it as a 'divine appointment'.

BLUE MONDAY

Blue Monday Jasper ware - "Wedgwood Tea for One"

How much do we value heritage?
I feel connected to Mexico, perhaps because I lived there for my first thirteen years of informative years.
 I am familiar with Mexico's  culture, and I feel connected to the people who live in and who live near now where I live.
Although I live in California, I like to eat non spicy Mexican food and speak Spanish with a perfect accent, however, lacking in vocabulary. Ultimately, my adopted Mexican heritage is part of my identity.
  My heritage is always with me no matter where I go even though my country of origin may not be my ancestors origin.  I grew up painfully aware that I just did not look like those around me.  As a tow head,  blue eyed toddler I was not one of them.
I am often drawn towards my roots, an indescribable force that has influenced my identity and influenced my spiritual heritage.

Josiah W. cemetery marker

Indelible markings, my connection, to the past becomes more meaningful as my existence marches along at a fast pace and disappears in a blink of an eye.  I pass along my genetics, my values and then am gone.
My heritage cannot be taken from me although it can be forgotten by not passing it on.
My many blogs encapsulate the knowledge of my heritage and hopefully passing it on.
In blogging about the past, I have become more aware of the richness of what has been passed down to me from my descendants as well as living it through my parents.

Grandparents Wedgwood enjoying Becky, May 16, 1950, Corpus Christi, Tx.(Padre Island)

What is so fascinating about genealogy is what is buried under the present.
Take for instance, the five notorious women in Biblical history who entered the bloodline of Jesus: Tamar, Rahab, Ruth, Bathsheba, Mary.  They all shared something in common,  disgrace and tainted reputations.  Even in genealogies, God weaves his grace and loves to redeem foreigners and sinners. 
What I find so captivating about my genealogy is its colorfulness, source of inspiration,validation of family stories, and  glimpses of experiences, and feelings.  Out of my past, I have also seen how God's grace has been woven in some disgraceful and tainted reputations.

Grandparents, Ethel & Edwin Wedgwood with my mother, Betty (L) and sister Doris

It is a journey of many life past times woven into the present time to gain an understanding of how I got to be in our now time.A LINK TO THE PAST click here
Finding out you are related to someone famous can add to spell binding stories.
My mother whose surname was Wedgwood claimed to be in direct line to Josiah Wedgwood, the renowned English pottery-maker of his day (1762).  In completing my research, I found it to be true.  (Josiah Wedgwood click here.)

Great Grandma, Emily Elizabeth Chick Wedgwood

 Charles Darwin, the naturalist who formulated the theory of evolution married a Wedgwood of this family.
 It was 1800 when Thomas Wedgwood was the first to capture an image with a light sensitive camera."
YES, HE IS A DISTANT RELATIVE.

My mother, Betty(L) with her sister Doris

(My Mother's Story click here.)
My mother was not raised in a Christian home.  Her parents were alcoholics until God miraculous saved them.  My great grandmother was a saloon keeper in Oso,Washington with a tainted past,who had three daughters, each by a different man, yet God in his mercy saved my grandmother later in life.(TRIBUTE TO THE

Emily Elizabeth Wedgwood & Edwin Chatfield Wedgwood
Edwin Francis Wedgwood Jr., my grandpa (left) Charles George Wedgwood (right) and Bertha May Wedgwood(back middle) The boys were twins.
Photo taken in East Chicago, Indiana 1907

WEDGWOODS,click here for video)
On the other side of the spectrum:
Sometimes God uses an individuals heritage in the unfolding of His plans.  His Word says that He knew us before the foundation of the world.

Cemetery marker for Rev. Solomon S. Ediger

Grandparents Ediger, Warkentin, and Dick-Fehr were all staunch Mennonites who migrated from south Russia as children with their parents.

THE S.S. TEUTONIA
In 1874, Heinrich and Sara Ediger joined the Mennonite immigration to the USA, and with their children sailed on the S.S.Teutonia, arriving in Castle Garden New York on Sept. 2, 1874.
This is the ship that our ancestors came on.

  The church among the Mennonite communities was a closely knit family of believers ruled by elders who were the spiritual leaders.
My grandfather Solomon S. Ediger was an elder as well as a farmer and founder of the Evangelical Mennonite Brethren church of Dallas, Oregon.

Solomon Sr. worked very hard farming his homestead.
Solomon owned a threshing machine outfit on the side which earned them a little extra money. As soon as the harvest was finished and the machinery properly stowed away for the winter, he and the boys begun working on the railroad. This was hard work but the younger Solomon didn't realize he was building up his muscles for future situations.

  My grand uncle on my mother’s side, Isaac Dyck was the founder of the Polk Station General Conference Mennonite church.

Grandfather Solomon Ediger was a man of excellence in all he undertook.  In the early 1920’s he felt led to leave the Mennonite church, which at that time had some problems with its leadership.  Grandpa then helped found the Dallas,Oregon C & M A church.(MY CHAT about SIN & Great Grandpa Solomon click here)

  Dad remembered one of his sermons on Noah and the flood.  This was the first impression he received that the world was lost and without Christ and was the springboard to his missionary career.

Dad out on the farm

So in God's providence, the unlikely union of two, a farmer family, of devoted Mennonite heritage and a more refined British lady, non religious family, began a life together to establish a rich heritage to bring me to the present.  It has been a long rich journey, a harvest, clay pots (china) woven threads of my family past, clay pots molded in the potter's hand.
“Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are ye in mine hand..." (Jeremiah 18:1–6, KJV).God Is our potter click here to watch video