ARE YOU MY MOTHER (edited)

P.D. Eastman's *Are You My Mother* resonated deeply with me as I read it to my children when they were little . The little bird's desperate search for its mother mirrored my own early experiences, a poignant reminder of the challenges faced by children of missionaries in the mid-20th century.

 
My own childhood, spent largely in board and care school, was marked by frequent and extended separations from my family. 

My parents, driven by a powerful sense of purpose and the demands of their ministry, embarked on a life that prioritized service above all else, a characteristic of many missionary families in the 1940s and 50s. 

This involved significant sacrifices, including the difficult decision to send their children away to boarding school or to live with relatives in the US. While I understand their dedication and the context of their choices, the impact on my family dynamics was profound.

The logistical difficulties of that era – unreliable communication, arduous travel, and the constant transience of missionary life – created a sense of emotional distance. Saying goodbye became a recurring, almost ritualistic, experience. Being sent away at the age of six irrevocably altered my relationship with my parents, severing the emotional dependence that is crucial during formative years. Though my love and respect for them remained unwavering, the intimacy and closeness I craved were lost. The pervasive pressure to maintain a perfect outward image, fueled by the demands of our parents' ministry, further complicated our family dynamics and cast a long shadow over our relationships.

Despite these challenges, my childhood holds precious memories. The landscape of my early years, the vibrant culture, the distinctive food and climate – they remain deeply ingrained in my identity. My Spanish accent, even today, carries a tangible echo of that time and place.

I am reminded that none of us inherit perfect circumstances, including our parents. They were limited by their weaknesses and did not always offer what was needed. Their own experiences shaped them and their decisions, sometimes with outcomes that were far from ideal. However, rather than dwelling on what could have been, I chose to focus on learning from the past and building a healthier future. 
The realities of missionary life have undoubtedly evolved; today’s realities are vastly different.