DISTURBED & DISTRESSED?

I have a growing fascination with Puritan writings.  I love the fact that I can turn back to the Puritan authors.  There is basically no new theology.

  Though a little quaint and archaic, I have just slogged through  one of Thomas Brook’s book, “Mute Christian under the smarting Rod” or “The Silent Soul with Sovereign Antidotes”.   Thomas Brooks was an English non-conformist Puritan preacher of the 1600’s.
Spurgeon was said to have been a great fan of Brooks teaching.
It is a book dedicated to all “Afflicted, distressed, dissatisfied, disturbed, Christians throughout the world.”

Brooks has great proficiency with Scripture.  He explains the purpose of affliction and suffering in a believer’s life.
This read is a feast of biblical encouragement for the weary.
This book radiates with spiritual life on adversities that are particularly challenging and comforting.  
I highly recommend this Puritan classic for anyone journeying through trials.
He begins with a lengthy letter to the “choicest saints born to troubles” (Job 5:7), giving the reasons for writing this piece.

“Afflictions are a golden key by which the Lord opens the rich treasure of his word to his people's souls.”
  He writes from his experiences through trials.
He explains what he means by the seven-fold “silences”, Stoical, Politic, Foolish, Sullen, Forced, Despairing, and Prudent.
Thinking of afflictions as God’s love-tokens was a foreign statement as well as thinking of them as love-letters.

So why is Brooks suggesting, Christians be mute and silent under the afflictions?  Here are a few reasons:
>To better hear and understand the voice of the rod.
>To be different and distinguish themselves from the world, who usually fret or murmur, curse when they are under the afflicting hand of God.
>To be conformable to Christ their head, who was silent under his trials.
>Because it is fruitless, it is futile to strive, to contest or contend with God.

“Consider first, the greatness, sovereignty, majesty, and dignity of God—and let that move you to silence,” Jer. 10:7; 5:22.

He spends a good time exploring MURMURING.

   “Murmuring is a time-destroying sin.” He challenges to seriously consider the heinous and dangerous nature of murmuring.

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A FAVORITE QUOTE FROM THIS BOOK:
“The sweetest comforts of this life, they are but like treasures of snow; now do but take a handful of snow, and crush it in your hands, and it will melt away presently; but if you let it lie upon the ground, it will continue for some time. And so it is with the contentments of this world; if you grasp them in your hands and lay them too near your hearts, they will quickly melt and vanish away; but if you will not hold them too fast in your hands, nor lay them too close to your hearts, they will abide the longer with you.”

“The longer you have been afflicted—the more in spiritual experiences you have been enriched.” 2 Cor. 1:5

By the time you finish this book, you shall have a clearer sight of sins, and a fuller sight of God during calamities.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous.

The choicest saints are "born to troubles as the sparks
fly upwards" Job 5:7

 "Many are the afflictions of the
righteous." Psalm 34:19.

 "God, who is infinite in wisdom
and matchless in goodness, has ordered troubles, yes,
many troubles to come trooping in upon us on every
side. Our crosses seldom come single; they usually
come treading one upon the heels of another; they
are like April showers, no sooner is one over but
another comes. And yet, Christians, it is mercy, it is
rich mercy, that every affliction is not an execution,
that every correction is not a damnation."
~Thomas Brooks

ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION AT GCC

I stood there in quiet contemplation.  It was Sunday.  We had arrived at church early, 6:00am.

  It was cold, damp, and shivery, anything but our customary Southern California sunny weather.
We weren't the only ones about.  Dark figures darted here and there.  The usual loud chatter and laughter absent would come later.

It was a cloudy morning and we had arrived full of anticipation.
I watched the early morning unfold from a quiet awakening to peak humanity.
I walked around in silence and awe.
There were unbelievable surprises at every turn.  Words defy what would become a remarkable day.

I had captured the first rays of light, hoping to catch an early sun rise but only caught the sun playing peekaboo creating a backdrop for the large white tent with majestic peaks.

As the church transformed to take on a life of it own, I made my way around, amazed at how much Scripture was displayed on banners everywhere.

A que began to form very early to begin the migration to secure prime seats. Southern California people are peculiar in that way. 

The worship center was not unlocked til 7:30 with service to begin at 8:30.
The logistics for the day was astounding.  It was soon buzzing around like a behive. 

I was beginning to think maybe I had been transported to the Shepherds Conference for next month as this Sunday rivaled second to all the celebrations I had ever been to.

 The city let GCC use the dirt wash front property and had opened the gates for extra parking and had also provided traffic control officers on Cantara and Roscoe.
This historic morning would not be complete without mentioning that we were celebrating our pastors fifty years of faithfulness at GCC.
The service was phenomenal.

  It included our pastor's favorite hymns.  In honor of our pastors Scottish heritage, the service began with a bagpipe fanfare and then after the services performed for the crowd outside.

The Prayer Desk

As a symbol of diligence in study and devotion to God, the grandson of Dr. David Martyn Lloyd-Jones presented Pastor John with the Doctor's personal prayer desk, from one expositor to another.

 Well, and just like that, all heaven broke loose with showers of blessing.

  Just as people were lining up to get lunch, it began to rain.

  Eight In-N-Out lunch trucks served a couple of thousand of hamburgers that day. 

Other foods were served at other stations out on the patio along with anniversary cake.

What a day!  I don't think anyone left for home completly dry.
I went home damp, tired, with cold hands, and freezing feet so I climbed into bed with the heating blanket on.

SAGE ADVICE

Vignette:  I was a child with dual citizenship, dual because of my parents identity yet toddling first steps on my parents foreign soil, speaking my first words in Spanish and toilet training, with a nanny, simply responding to what was happening at the moment.
This was the framework from which I later interpreted life and tried to make sense of life.
Being fair skinned, blue eyed, and blonde, I looked different. I was treated like a porcelain doll.

******************************************
"In the wake of shattered dreams, do you wonder how you will keep going? ~ Sheridan Yoysey

 SAGE ADVICE

They say "love is blind and marriage is an eye opener."

What do you do when the door shuts on perceived dreams of marriage?

What do you do when those expectations about the future don't live up to those dreams and aspiriations?
It has been an unsettling journey for me.

  Sage Advice: The three most powerful sentences; "I love you.", "I was wrong.", and "I'm working on it." and I'm always working on it.

Life travels on unpredictable roads, even the most unpredictable becomes predictable.

1975

It is devastating to see a lifetime of independence slowly disolve into a one-way dependency.  Death, lean times, job loss, illness, hard times, health issues,  and then responsibility shifts.
It gets harder because of health yet you would think it would be easier because of already gone through harder, ugly moments, and yes, stayed together.
Shouldn't the accumulated survival aspects, day after day, week after week, year after year shake one less and less?  Perhaps.
It's been a long time since I put on that wedding dress,

floating from one life event to another, the "first" highs, the "first" lows, the "first haves", and the "have nots" and "never will haves".  Sigh.

  We tick them off the calendar as milestones.  What's next?  We grow old and life intervenes.

First Baby

Years of "wedded bliss" have a tendency to reveal inner uglyness.  I work hard to understand myself.  I work to understand him.  Another dimension of life had never been on my radar.  When the reality sank in and the emotional highs wore out, I now had to navigate the challenges of that "wedded bliss".  My quest to provide better support turned into an in-depth learning journey.  I was not married to a husband that I had always wanted but to someone who had no idea how to go with flow.
 Lost the glow and grace of youth long ago and time marches on.  God has not brought me this far to abandon.
I would probably miss the breaking and chiseling and refining meant for me if I had not proactively thanked God for what he has chosen for me.
What makes life so difficult is affected by my sin and wedded to a sinner.

1975

Sage advice:  "Don't wait for the other to get their act together.  Focus on your commitment and forge on in a moment-by-moment, day-to-day understanding of what you need to do at the moment."

The allure of comparison to others lives is always there, starved for encouragement, starved for accolades, and starved for affirmation.

 ^"That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." ~2 Corinthians 12:10

The Bible makes it crystal clear that my sins are forgiven because Jesus died.  Without this fact, I would be very discouraged.

 ^"This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." ~I John 4:10

Sage Advice:  Love rejoices in what is true and looks for the best. (1Cor.13:4-7)
You can't believe all things and hope all things when you assume the worst of people and live your life with such misguided animosity.
 Do all things we hope for point to the idols of the heart?
Am I putting my hopes in the wrong things? 

1980

The things I yearn for will not happen at least not in the foreseen future.

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." ~2 Corinthians 4:18

The other day, I was drawn to a remark Jesus made in Mark 12:24 "Is this not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God."

1992 ?

 Marital adjustments during this season of life continue, not to say I have not been making adjustment all along but when you spend years trying to figure it out and only now have found the missing puzzle piece after countless encounters of conventional counseling did not produce results.  By the grace of God, we have gone through hard falls and failures.  We have slogged through seasons of questioning and doubt.  We have navigated through the rough water by trusting God in a greater way than before.

Sage Advice:  "Is it me?"  "If it's me, what can I do?"  "If its him, there's nothing I can do."

2019

But for the fact that God loved us could explain the determination to make it work.

#2~THE SHAPING OF MY FAITH

Vignette:  I spent my childhood days romping around the mountain filled with pine trees, spaces of winding paths, open windy patches and random spots of neatly hoed corn rows dotting the country side.
 The town center below and the cottage-like-huts with spirals of smoke dotted the mountain side.
 My childhood pleasures were many, though so simple, a little girl today would think it boring.
 I played with dolls, built houses of scrap lumber and branches from trees. I climbed trees, waded in tumultuous brooks and rivers and played briefly in deep quiet pool along the way on trips to visit other villages.
 Many trees and bushes bordered the thin trails we took. My home had none of the modern conveniences that we deem necessary nowadays.

"There is no haphazard in this world. God leads every one of his children by the right way. He knows where and under what influences each particular life will ripen best. One tree grows best in the sheltered valley, another by the water’s edge, another on the bleak mountain-top swept by storms. There is always adaptation in nature. Every tree or plant is found in the locality where the conditions of its growth exist, and does God give more thought to trees and plants than to his own children? He places us amid the circumstances and experiences in which our life will grow and ripen the best. The peculiar discipline to which we are each subjected is the discipline we each need to bring out in us the beauties and graces of true spiritual character."  ~R.J. Miller

I have not composed a blog in awhile and it is about time to pull some thoughts together.
I sense a sort of weariness coming upon me.  Days are coming and going at an alarming rate.  Each day is blending into the next.  The nights are long.  The nights are short.  Each different with their wakefulness, appearances of landing on unrest and worry.  My faith is tested at night.  My sanctification is tested early in the mornings.  My sins of "murmering" and complaining is something to reckon.

I often think about how God has carried and shaped me all these years.

February dawned with a fabulous sun rise.
The hard days of spousing continue.

February 3rd dawned rainy and bleak.  Discouragement steals accross my path and circumstances have a way of coloring my world blue.  There was a rainbow, I was told, but sadly, I missed it.
I found four draft posts that have not crystalized yet.

I hold onto my life journey that is constantly fluid, moving like the bends in my river profile which I am attempting to up date. PROFILE
"The Lord has helped me to this point."(I Samuel 7:12)
In the midst of unmet desires I have to be careful where I let my thoughts go.
  
"My chief end is glorifying God and enjoying Him forever."  So it's a matter of recognizing God's glory as a neural typical spouse.  I am grateful for this priviledge although not always, to my shame.
I've made it through because God carried me.  I often wonder how the future will unfold.
In the wake of the abortion debacle, I am still amazed when God created, his work of art, me, a masterpiece, an original, a heart that God has redeemed.

"You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me."  Ps.139:1

^" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well."  ~Psalm 139:14

"Does he who fashioned the ear not hear? Does he who formed the eye not see?"  Psalm 94:9

Shame on me if I have let those who are wired differently cloud my way of thinking.  How do I begin to explain what is really going on in life when your world is rocked by new understanding?  Perhaps a little indescribable. The fastest way to get out of feeling crazy is reading the Scriptures. More sweet treasures keep me sane.
 I walk on, trusting, worshipping.
I feel sustained.
I rest in the fact that the Holy Spirit is my helper.  My sanctification rides on the rough times.
God's love remains.

My assurance of salvation rests in, GOD DOES NOT CHANGE.