Today is your birthday. Today, you are still my husband.
I'm sorry that we did not get our usual table and usual waitress. Although you were fine with that, I was not. I guess it doesn't matter now since our favorite picture above the table is gone. It did not hinder you from enjoying your yearly free birthday breakfast as usual.
Life is such an unknown but this moment is not. I wish I could say that the last 43 years have been marital bliss during that time. Fat chance! What a wonderful thought though. You and I both know that is by far from true reality.
The journey we have been on together has been rocky, bumpy, and at times beautiful, and sometimes ugly but the one thing that has remained steady has been God's involvement in our lives and a caring Biblical sound church. I want to thank you for initiating our first visit back in 1976. The one thing for sure is that God's plan for me was to be your helper.
There have been many times it would have been easier to just give up. I am convinced that God designed me for you because there is no one to equal my German stubbornness. Thank you for choosing me to be your helper and trusting me in certain areas.
Living with you has made me a better version of myself.
Some days, I know, we are on two different frequencies. Most days life together isn't grand or fanciful because we are growing old together. Fancy that!
Because you know how kooky I can get. "oh, no! She's blogging again." You know how I love the written word and you allow me that time. Thank You.
"Oh, no! She's got her camera out again!" Many a time, you are a good sport and will show your photogenic side and indulge me. I sure do appreciate you helping me to capture those memories.
Writing has the power to calm my heart, share what's on my heart, and brightens my day.
Life has not always been the easiest. The easiest part has been soothed by our relationship with God and a solid grounding in God's Word.
There have been many moments that changed our world. I won't forget how your face lit up when I told you, I was pregnant again after several of years of waiting for our first one. Just as we were waiting to tell the world plans changed. The baby we talked about was taken.
Can you imagine him seeing, Jesus's face first. He was joined by two more. Then God blessed us with another one. You were so proud to be gifted with a son. We enjoyed him for 32 years.
Sometimes we fight over the stupidest reasons and you know what, I tell you everything that bothers me. As you know, I am very strong in my opinions (The German half of me). I am sorry I don't take time to thank you as often as I should. I am glad I am in your life even though the tendency to take life and love for granted. I definitely don't vocalize it enough.
I am not the person you fell in love with. That 20 something year old gal you fell in love with is never coming back.
I may be spontaneous, exuberant, and full of life still but things have changed. I have slowed down. I have gotten more anxious, and rigid. I need you to know that the other girl in me is gone.
But, you still love me and stand by me. So, I am good. You have supported me through trips to the ER and to Urgent Care. I don't see how you could think clearly during some of those episodes or maybe you weren't, but we survived.
I know that you did not sign up for all this yet you stuck with me.
Yep, almost 43 years of married life and I realize how selfish I have been. My thoughts are not always about you. I have had agendas for the day and can get a little upset when things don't go right, my way or aren't done. Forgive me for the times I have failed to be encouraging and choosing to focus on what you did wrong. Forgive me for treating marriage as a barter system.
The paradox of marriage is that while beautiful moments exist it can also be messy. No day is ever perfect--it is so 24/7. It is not all fun and smiles but there is immense joy to be found.
So to the man I married, to the man I married has become, there undoubtedly many more hardships to come as together we head for the finish line.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Scooooooof
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
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