CAUGHT UNPREPARED? The feeling of horrible astonishment: My Son was gone.

 It will soon be a year since the death of our son, due to a sudden heart attack at the age of 32.

We will never make sense out of his death, yes, there are still days I question why.

Yes, the grief continues to well up against the fresh realization that he is gone.

Yes, there continues to be disappointments and shattered dreams.  The seasons to look forward to a marriage, children, and grandchildren, and visits to his newly renovated house are but faded realities.  The loses with in the loses are a matter of personal selfish dreams and ambitions that will never take place.  I will never have the priviledge of having a daughter-in-law.

The most difficult decisions in the past year have had painful reminders that he is gone.  Dealing with the estate, the sale of the house, sale of the Jeep,taxes, finances and legal issues to contend and creditors to appease.  It has been a long drawn process, however, I am told that It could have been longer.   Looking back on this process, we see how each step had its own timing for our own good.  I am grateful for the many who came along side us and helped us through this process.

I treasured each little memory my son and I made together and there were many as well as all the memories of his handiwork left behind.

This is an article by Tripp of which I have found so describes some of my feelings and he could not have been so right on.  An excerpt:

Nothing is more shocking, emotional, or final than the death of a loved one. Facing the death of someone you love—a child, a spouse, a parent, a close friend—is one of life's most difficult experiences.
Your head is spinning with so many thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You can't grasp that you've had your last visit, your last conversation, your last meal, and your last holiday with your loved one. Your mind is flooded with things you wish you had said or done. You want to say, "I love you," one more time, and you want to hear it said to you.
Your warehouse of memories is filled with fond and painful remembrances, and you are holding tightly to that treasured collection of fading photographs. You don't feel ready to say goodbye or to deal with the grief that's overtaken you.
This article is written to help you make sense out of what appears to make no sense and to point you towards hope even as you are experiencing the darkness of death.
When you are dealing with grief your emotions race and your thoughts are scattered. In the middle of this confusing and hard time, you need to remember a few simple truths from the Bible. God will use them to help you understand what you are experiencing and to give you hooks on which to hang your emotions.

A Look Out point where my son took me for a wild Jeep ride.

You can't prepare for the death of a loved one. Whether death results from a sudden accident or a long illness, it always catches us unprepared. Death is so deeply emotional and stunningly final that there is nothing you can do ahead of time that will help you sail through your moment of loss. Those who knew that death was coming and those who were taken completely by surprise will go through many of the same things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Grief Finding Hope in the Darkness  To read full article click here.